Gut Rumbles

November 07, 2011

good lays and bad lays

Originally published September 21, 2003

I am red-necked enough to state that the WORST pussy I ever had was pretty damned good, but it's a fact: some wimmen are better in bed than others. "Good in bed" has nothing to do with the way a woman looks or what color she dyes her hair. It's all in her attitude and her approach to sex.

I like a woman who believes that sex should be "dirty" if you do it right. If I've got you nekkid in my bed, I don't want to cuddle and be sweet to you. I want to fuck your brains out. I want to feel your fingernails clawing my back and digging into my ass while I ride you like a rodeo cowboy. I want you to COME OUT LOUD to let me know I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.

We should tear those clean sheets on the bed into a tangled mess by the time we're finished. I want to be on top, and then I want to do it doggie-style. I want to be in your mouth and I want to put my mouth on you. I want YOU on top, so that I can suck your nipples while you ride ME. I want to fuck like wild dogs. I want us both to be breathless, sweaty and exhausted when we finally call it quits.

THEN, we'll cuddle and laugh, in total shamelessness. I'll smoke a cigarette and that's when you might discover the benefits of a bionic Roscoe. I did every bit of that last night, then I felt a hand on me. "It's still hard."

"I haven't pushed the button to deflate him yet."

"I can have some more?"

"All you want. Just climb aboard." She did. I was raped. I LIKED being raped. And when she finally fell off and said, "Okay, I'm full now!" Roscoe was still standing tall. Technology is a wonderful thing.

So is a woman who likes sex as much as I do and really enjoys fucking like a wild dog. Men and wimmen were built to do exactly that and it feels damned good. And you know what I feel now?

No shame.

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