Gut Rumbles

About Me

Name: Rob
Astrological sign: Aquarius - but a Leo at heart
Age: 53
Height: 5' 8"
Level of Education: B.A. English Literature
Occupation: Citizen of the World
Birthplace: Kenvir, Kentucky
Marital status: Divorced
How many children: Two
Do you drink (alcohol): Yes, often to excess. It stirs the Muse. No. I am a recovering alcoholic
Do you smoke: Yes
Favorite outdoor activities: Golf, gardening and camping
Favorite indoor activities: Blogging, cooking, making music
Favorite type of music: Folk and Country
Favorite musical groups/performers: John Prine, Allison Krause, Gordon Lightfoot, Dire Straits, Fleetwood Mac
Favorite soundtracks: Brother, Where Art Thou?
Favorite song at the moment: "Souvenirs," by Steve Goodman as performed by John Prine
What's in your home CD/Casette player right now: John Prine's "Great Days"
What's in you car CD/Casette player right now: It's empty. I listen to talk radio when I drive.
Do you play an instrument: Yes. Guitar, mandolin, autoharp and half-assed banjo
One pillow or two: Three. I have a big bed.
Croutons or bacon bits: Croutons
Favorite salad dressing: Peppercorn Ranch
Have you ever had your appendix or tonsils removed: Neither. But I would swap both tonsils, my appendix and throw in my spleen, too, if I could retrieve the prostate gland I lost last October.
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping: A lot, as a boy and as a man. I'm a nudist at heart.
Do you make fun of people: Yes. But they've got to piss me off first..
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up: Professional football player, astronaut
What would be your dream job now: Writer
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: Yes, but it wasn't a felony. I would say I was framed, but I was guilty as hell.
Places you'd most like to visit: Australia, outer space
Your first car: 1968 fire-engine red AMC Javelin
Dream car: Fully restored 1957 Chevrolet Belair
Toothpaste: Whatever is handy
Shampoo/Conditioner: Whatever is on sale at the Super Wal-Mart
Favorite season: Summer
Favorite holiday: Fourth of July
Favorite board/card game: Poker
Favorite hobbies: Golf, camping, swimming
Favorite sport to play: Golf
Favorite sport to watch: Football
Least favorite sport to watch: Dressage
Most humiliating moment: Attempting to pin a corsage on the dress of one of my first dates. I finally handed the orchid to her mom because I KNEW I was gonna stick that pin in my date's boob.
Do you have any siblings: One younger brother
Do you get along with your parents: My father died of prostate cancer in 1992. I get along fine with my mom, although she worries about me.
Favorite place to chill: My crackerbox house in Rincon, Georgia.
Favorite place to visit: My friend Willie's house.
What is your bad time of day: Bedtime. I don't sleep much.
What is your good time of day: Sunset
Favorite perfume or cologne: None
Favorite scent of candle: Jasmine
Favorite flower/plant: Lantanas and homegrown tomatoes
Favorite subject in school: English
Least favorite subject in school: Math
Favorite authors: Mark Twain, Stephen King, Tom Clancy, Rudyard Kipling
Favorite book genre: I'll read anything
Favorite book: "Catch 22" by Joseph Heller and "Earth Abides" by George R. Stewart
Current book I'm reading: "Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady" by Florence King
Favorite magazine:National Review
Favorite movie you have seen recently: Oh Brother Where Art Thou
Favorite movie of all time: Forrest Gump
Other favorite movies: Oh Brother Where Art Thou, The Wild Bunch, True Grit, 2001 a Space Oddessy, Saving Private Ryan, The Big Chill, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Silence of the Lambs
Favorite actors/actresses: Clint Eastwood, Keven Spacey, Jodie Foster, Meg Ryan
Favorite TV programs: I really don't watch much TV
Favorite cartoon character: Wile E. Coyote
Favorite food: Blood-rare steak and shrimp
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Favorite ice cream: Breyer's Hershey's Chocolate with almonds
Favorite Snapple: Probably anything if you put vodka in it first. Otherwise, I never touch the stuff.
Favorite alcoholic Drink: You name it, I liked it. Too much.
What is your bedtime: 9:30 PM
Best on-line friends: Check the Blogroll
Best friends: Willie, Recondo 32 and my brother
Worst enemies: The ex-wife. My inner demons.
Interesting fact about your childhood: When I was five, I really believed that if I tied a towel around my neck like a Superman cape, I could fly off my front porch. I almost killed myself trying.
How many rings before you answer the phone: That depends on where I am, what I'm doing and if I feel like answering the phone.
The first thing you think of in the morning: Take a leak.
Favorite thing to do when you're home alone: Blog, play one of my instruments, walk around the house naked.
Things that make you feel good: Finishing what I started, reading witty comments on my blog, kissing, having my back scratched, watching people enoy a meal that I cooked. Ceaseless Adoration.
Things you don't like: Idiots, liberals, Ted Kennedy, environmentalists and anti-smokers, or any other totalitarian hockwads like them.
Worst feeling in the world: Losing everything you ever cared about in life and knowing that you'll never get it back.
Best feeling in the world: Being in love.
Do you get motion sickness: No. I have a cast-iron gut and damn fine inner ears.
Roller Coasters - Deadly or Exciting: Deadly
Thunderstorms - Cool or Scary: Very Cool
Pen or Pencil: Pen
Do you like to drive: Not really. It's more of a chore than a joy.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: No. But I knew a few women who could qualify.
Did you have imaginary friends or a blanket as a child: No.
What is on the walls of your room: Pictures of my son and a poster I drew when I was in 8th grade.
What words or phrases do you overuse: Obscenities, mostly
Coolest things anyone ever gave you: The pocketknife my son bought me with his own money on Father's Day six years ago, after I broke mine at work. A postcard from the Panama Canal, stamped at 11:58, two minutes before the US turned the canal over to Panama. I believe my ex-wife has that now, and she never met the Ranger who sent it to me.
How would you characterize your political leanings: I am a Randian Libertarian in most things. I believe government should exist to provide a standing army, to protect the rights of the unpopular and to prevent anarchy. Otherwise, it should butt the hell OUT OF MY LIFE! I believe we are horribly overtaxed, over-regulated and over-nannied by a government that is bloated, incompetent and staffed largely by people who can't find their asses with both hands. Our politicians are whores and our bureaucrats are brain-dead. I suppose I might be called a Radical Individualist. Yeah, that's ME.
If you could pick one super-human power, what would you choose: I wish I could fly.

Favorite Quotes/Lyrics/Poems:

"It's not your WORD that counts! It's who you GIVE IT TO!"
Ernest Borgnine to William Holden in THE WILD BUNCH

"You get crossways with me and you'll feel like a thousand 'o brick had fell on ya."
John Wayne to Glenn Campbell in TRUE GRIT

"You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers."
Universal statement by NRA members, of which I am one.

"I did not have sex with THAT WOMAN, Ms. Lewenski."
The biggest, boldest, bald-faced lie ever told by an American President.

"Let's roll."
The last words of a courageous group of people who went down fighting. True Americans.

Memories, they can't be bought and
They can't be won in carnivals for free
It took me years, to get these souvenirs
And I don't know how they slipped away from me
"Souvenirs," by Steve Goodman

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