Gut Rumbles

June 28, 2010

Top 10 Americans

Originally published October 19, 2002

I found this link on The Group Captain's Page and it made me think, which is NOT my forte. But I agree with the Group Captain that a couple of names don't belong on that list of the 10 Greatest Britons of All Time. If a similar poll were taken in the USA now would we end up with something like this?

Top 10 Americans of All Time:

1) Bill Clinton
2) Ophra Winfrey
3) Hillary Clinton
4) Martin Luther King Junior Boulevard
5) Rosie O'Donnell
6) Brad Pitt
7) Barbra Streisand Shakespere
8) At least One Dead Kennedy (I forget which one... is Ted still alive?... okay, it's not's one of the good-looking ones...)
9) Jesse Jackson
10) Jerry Garcia

Such a list would not surprise me at all, given the popular confusion between fame and greatness today. Here are my picks of the Top Ten Americans, for what they're worth. If you've never heard of a few, it's probably because they haven't been on TV or People magazine lately.

1) George Washington
2) Thomas Jefferson
3) Benjamin Franklin
4) Robert E. Lee
5) Theodore Roosevelt
6) Samuel Clemens
7) Ronald Reagan
8) Chuck Yeager
9) Sam Walton
10) My Mama

I have good reasons for chosing every one, and I would be happy to debate anyone who disagrees with me.

June 21, 2010

Fart Blossom

Originally published October 19, 2002

Blogger tried to eat it again, but I managed to save THE LATEST POST from my son on his new blog.

When we set up the blog, he wanted to call it "Quinton Farted." I talked him out of that name, but he didn't stray far from his original intentions with his second choice. Due to some maintenance problems I wasn't quite finished with in my bedroom last night, (yeah... there's one hell of a blog just waiting to be told about THAT) we both slept on the couch. Quinton was under the ratty white blanket on the love seat and I was under a comforter on the sofa. I had to get him up and moving in time to drive 40 miles to a soccer game by 8:00 this morning, so I woke him at 6:45.

He sat up, looked at me with sleepy eyes.... and started making fart-noises with a hand in his armpit. I AM NOT MAKING THAT UP! So, his blog title fits; the flower of my joy is a FART BLOSSOM.

I will be leaving Blogger shortly, and I hope to bid it a fond farewell. But I may leave cussing like a sailor if it keeps screwing with my kid's posts. I am accustomed to the hassle, and I put up with it. My son will shoot the computer with fart-bullets he manufactures using his armpit and a pointed finger, and he will wander off to do other things if Blogger screws with him. I hope that doesn't happen, although even Blogger Pro has stopped publishing for most of today and he's operating on simple Blogspot.
I'm not sure he's ready for an upgrade just yet.

He would rather make fart-noises with his armpit anyway.

June 14, 2010

'Bout damned time

Originally published October 20, 2002

Either Blogger was fine and I did something really stupid to screw up my computer (which is a distinct possibility), or Blogger healed itself at the exact time I went through every gyration I could think of to get my computer functioning again. I sure hope it was me and not Blogger; otherwise, I sacrificed a perfectly good goat for nothing. I noticed some other people having trouble, but I believe that mine may have been about 99% self-inflicted. That happens to me a lot.

Anyway, I'm back in the saddle again.

(Ed. note... God, I wish. Don't we all...)

June 07, 2010

Enough already

Originally published October 20, 2002

The cabins at Blood Mountain have no phone service (and my cell didn't work there, either), but the owner has installed satellite television. Therefore, I was privileged to watch CNN's "All Sniper, All the Time" coverage while I was deep in the woods. I wish had packed my TV brick.

The breathless, round-the-clock reporting featured the same "news" gathered immediately after the shooting of the 47 year-old FBI analyst on Monday, along with three days worth of clueless speculation, shameless fear-mongering, and a lot of well-coiffed people with good teeth posing for the camera. I liked looking at the hottie news-babes, but the rest of that crap was pure sound and fury, signifying nothing.

CNN and the rest of the media are not performing a public service and they are not helping to solve the crimes; instead, they are making mountains from molehills, disrupting people's lives and possibly encouraging copy-cats to start their own murder campaigns. After what appears to be HIS LATEST ESCAPADE, the sniper has people afraid to pump gas, afraid to send their children to school and afraid of every white van they see. I don't believe that the twisted bastard deserves that sort of notoriety.

First of all, he's not THAT good a shot. "Sniper" is a title he does not deserve, but it sounds much more frightening than "maniac with a rifle." Plus, in a population of well over a million people, twelve random attempts at assassination DO NOT justify the fear people are showing in this situation. They still drive their cars, and that's a LOT more dangerous than pumping gas, and you're a LOT more likely to encounter a nutjob with a driver's license than a nutjob with a rifle.

And I do not believe that we should encourage the Wimping Of America when terrorists have declared war. The news media, having discovered the latest panic-button, are pressing it as hard as they can just to fill up air time and generate ratings.

That's pathetic.