Gut Rumbles

September 21, 2003

good lays and bad lays

I am red-necked enough to state that the WORST pussy I ever had was pretty damned good, but it's a fact: some wimmen are better in bed than others. "Good in bed" has nothing to do with the way a woman looks or what color she dyes her hair. It's all in her attitude and her approach to sex.

I like a woman who believes that sex should be "dirty" if you do it right. If I've got you nekkid in my bed, I don't want to cuddle and be sweet to you. I want to fuck your brains out. I want to feel your fingernails clawing my back and digging into my ass while I ride you like a rodeo cowboy. I want you to COME OUT LOUD to let me know I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.

We should tear those clean sheets on the bed into a tangled mess by the time we're finished. I want to be on top, and then I want to do it doggie-style. I want to be in your mouth and I want to put my mouth on you. I want YOU on top, so that I can suck your nipples while you ride ME. I want to fuck like wild dogs. I want us both to be breathless, sweaty and exhausted when we finally call it quits.

THEN, we'll cuddle and laugh, in total shamelessness. I'll smoke a cigarette and that's when you might discover the benefits of a bionic Roscoe. I did every bit of that last night, then I felt a hand on me. "It's still hard."

"I haven't pushed the button to deflate him yet."

"I can have some more?"

"All you want. Just climb aboard." She did. I was raped. I LIKED being raped. And when she finally fell off and said, "Okay, I'm full now!" Roscoe was still standing tall. Technology is a wonderful thing.

So is a woman who likes sex as much as I do and really enjoys fucking like a wild dog. Men and wimmen were built to do exactly that and it feels damned good. And you know what I feel now?

No shame.


See, that's why I like you. Men like you are rare. Keep writing this way, maybe it will catch on.

Posted by: Dawn on September 21, 2003 01:51 PM

Damn...I need a cigarette after that.

Posted by: Gennie on September 21, 2003 02:01 PM

DAMN!!! That was good. So good in fact. You steamed up the screen on my lap top.

Posted by: becky on September 21, 2003 02:26 PM

That post was so explicit, I can no longer print off your posts and read them at the supper table to the whole family.....wait...I never could.

Bionic Roscoe sounds surprisingly tough.
I always thought you had to treat the bionic parts gently or else they come ripping through the skin.

Bravo to bionic Roscoe

Posted by: Bleeding Brain on September 21, 2003 02:48 PM

I guess I don't understand how the bionic Roscoe works. Do you have any sensation there? Do you have orgasms? With me, when I'm finished, it's very sensitive.

Posted by: David on September 21, 2003 02:57 PM

And that is why I divorced my first husband…He just couldn’t comprehend the “sex should be nasty sometimes” – missionary style for 3 minutes gets a might boring. Now, my second husband doesn’t understand that sex should be romantic sometimes, but I’ll take that any day; I’m not bored, in fact, I’m usually pleasantly exhausted.

Oh, and his PSA is now 1.57, so all is well. (GD “infection” scared the shit out of us!)

I love ya Acidman.

We’ll be down to Georgia soon, and take you up on that offer…
(Only if the sheets are clean and you invite another pretty woman.)

Posted by: Muz on September 21, 2003 03:15 PM

Damn, that was good! Yeah, sex not "love-making." Love-making is a euphemism for "gutless." Men and women should not be gutless in wanting one another. Fucking done right is a fearsome expression of trust and love.. and the willingness to put oneself at risk for the both partners pleasure. You betcha.

Posted by: Ron on September 21, 2003 05:02 PM

I agree with you Studley, but there are a few musts for me:

1. She must swallow
2. She must swallow
3. And...she must swallow

Posted by: Brent on September 21, 2003 06:21 PM


Posted by: Tuning Spork on September 21, 2003 07:37 PM

You can't rape the willing.

Posted by: BJK on September 21, 2003 08:35 PM

Alright...a guy after my own heart. Just shove me over...well you get the idea.

Posted by: bobbie on September 21, 2003 10:59 PM

Oh. My. I am very much into "Aural Sex." I like it slow and easy and hard and fast -- and I ain't never called it "making love." Sex, boinking, hot-sweaty-monkey-lovin', whatever.

As for the "rape?" I say to: "So help me, I'll rape you." "Oh yeah? So rape me. I'll help you." Aheh.

Go. Rob. Getcha some.

Posted by: margi on September 22, 2003 12:25 AM

Sounds like it was a good romp. Technology is fantastic especially when you can please your lady (read: get your shit off) at anytime, anywhere and for how ever long you want to. Shit, when I get to be an old man like yourself - kidding - i might look into such technology. But for right now, mother nature has blessed me with such skills naturally.

Posted by: SageOne on September 22, 2003 09:16 AM

Brent seems to have some kind of problem, for neither partner has the right to DEMAND anything of the other if it is not paid sex with terms set prior to engaging in sex.

Posted by: MommaBear on September 22, 2003 02:33 PM

Over at they have some good advice for you.

>[Re:] Blogging about your sex life. People who do this are under two delusions: a) that everyone wants to fuck them, and b) that their writing is interesting. Which is worse: sexual megalomania or an inability to edit? It's a dead heat. The online equivalent of that excruciatingly monotonous blowjob scene in every porn movie ever made. <

Posted by: Beth on September 22, 2003 03:25 PM

mmmm.... my kind of thinking!

Posted by: Lor on September 22, 2003 04:21 PM

...I think I love you!

Posted by: jerseagirl on September 22, 2003 05:13 PM

Beth, I for one am glad Acidman does not heed such advice.

Posted by: dragonfly jenny on September 22, 2003 08:30 PM

mmm mmm ...a man after my own heart. Hot, sweaty, wild "monkey sex" is the only way to go!

Posted by: Angie on September 22, 2003 10:44 PM

Damn, why did I choose 11:30 Pm (while BF is soooo fast asleep to wake) to read THIS post? Just DAMN!

Posted by: Jeffinna (jennifer) on September 23, 2003 01:33 AM

But, Beth're here READING it. What does have to say about THAT?

Posted by: Jett on September 23, 2003 01:42 PM

Pussy comes in three styles; good, better and best.....(ain't no such thing as bad pussy). However, oral sex sometimes does have it's less than thrilling sides.....

Posted by: AnalogMan on September 25, 2003 07:58 PM

Cool article!!!

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