Gut Rumbles

May 28, 2012

supply run

Originally published October 17, 2003

I laid in provisions for the weekend today. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a case of Mountain Dew and a fresh box of wine. I also bought a 2" thick ribeye steak, which I grilled and scarfed a couple of hours ago. I selected a big baking pan for the ribs I'll cook tomorrow and a set of knives that just looked really cool. I stopped by Randall's Liquor store on the way home and bought three cartons of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka.

I am set for a while now; therefore, it's time for another recipe: Acidman's Baby-Back Ribs

* Defrost the ribs the day before you intend to cook them, or cook them as soon as you get home from the grocery store. Either way, pour all that bloody, nasty juice that comes out of them all over the meat.

* Preheat your oven to 220 degrees.

* Put a "rub" on the ribs. I use a 50-50 combination of soy and worchestershire sauce to wet them down, then I apply by hand a generous dosage of salt, black pepper, red pepper, garlic powder and Cajun's Choice blackened seasoning.

* When the oven is up to temperature, put the ribs on a baking pan, cover them loosely with aluminium foil and let them bake.

* Let them bake on that low heat all day long. Your kitchen will smell wonderful.

* About an hour before you are ready to eat, light a fire on the barbecue grill and take the ribs out of the stove. Gently lay them on the hot grill and apply barbecue sauce generously. (I make my own, but I highly recommend Johnny Harris or B.S. Muthah's for the true taste of Southern barbecue.)

* Make a big salad, some pork and beans and home-fried potatoes while the ribs cook just long enough to brown the barbecue sauce and pick up some charcol flavor.

* If you follow this recipe, the ribs will try to fall apart as you remove them from the grill. Handle your tongs carefully. GENTLY remove that beautiful meat and cut it into two-rib sections. Pile them high on a big plate, lay the tongs on top and tell your guests to dig in.

* Serve extra barbecue sauce on the side and put TWO ROLLS of paper towels on the table. This meal can be messy, as it should be. It is goddam good, too.

I am going to do that tomorrow. Too bad you're not invited.

May 21, 2012

my door is always open

Originally published October 17, 2003

I wrote this song for the first woman I ever loved. It's a nice 12-bar blues number with a place in the middle for a very weepy lead. It uses the same chord pattern as "Nobody Loves You, When You're Down and Out," but the melody is different. I am proud of this one. It's been known to make people cry in their beer at 2:00 in the morning.

Ran into a friend of yours down at Eddie's Bar last night.
She said you and that man of yours had yourselves a fight.
She said he called you names and he grabbed his coat
And he walked right out the door.
Your friend says that she don't think he'll be coming back no more.

Nothin's changed, I'm still the same damn fool I used to be
But if you're feeling lonely, since your man has set you free
My door is always open and if you ever feel inclined
Feel free to come home anytime.

It isn't like I love you, you KNOW that I don't care
In fact, I've quite forgotten what it's like to have you here
This is only for the old time's sake and the things that might have been
But you remember where I live, so just drop on in.

I only called to let you know that I'm still around
And there's a shoulder here to cry on, if you're ever feeling down
Yeah my door is always open if you ever change your mind
Feel free to come home anytime.

I was 22 years old when I wrote that song. I still like playing it today.

May 14, 2012

my grass

Originally published October 17, 2003

I had nothing but weeds and sand in my yard when I purchased the Crackerbox. It looked like Fido's ass. I went to the seed & feed store and bought five pounds of centipede grass seed and a little hand-cranked spreader.

I tilled my front yard and along both sides of the house. (I decided to leave the woods where they are in my back yard, because I can walk around nekkid without worrying about shocking a neighbor who spies me in the kitchen.) I spread the grass seed. I then watered and worshipped, but the grass seed didn't do shit. My yard still looked like Fido's ass. I gave up on it.

We had a lot of rain this year. I didn't set out a sprinkler all summer long and I have grass growing everywhere now. I'm talking about REAL CENTIPEDE GRASS, with long runners spreading out all over the place. My Fido's ass is turning into a LAWN! The centipede is choking out the bahia grass and the thistles that once infected my property. It looks GOOD.

I went through a spell when I didn't care what my home looked like. I didn't give a shit about much back then. But I'm starting to take some pride in how pretty my lawn is now.

Maybe I'll plant some flowers next spring.

May 07, 2012


Originally published October 17, 2003

I like to watch the eastern sky in the morning as a new day is born. The light creeps over the horizon and spills color all over the vanishing darkness of night. Then, the sun peeks up looking huge and bright. Orange at first, it slowly rises and changes to yellow, then to blinding white.

The birds sing and the morning breeze feels good on my face. The diurnal course continues, the way it has since the dawn of time.

A new day. A new adventure. Another page turned in the book of my life.

I like sunrises.