Gut Rumbles

February 05, 2008

The oracle

Originally published June 23, 2003

I receive incredibly stupid emails sometimes and this is one of them.

Oh dear. Dear, dear me. The Federal Government does nothing for you? Oh come on Rob. How about funding that army you're so proud of? How about providing a decent education for your son? I know you piss and moan about a lot of the "liberal" stuff they tell him, but I don't see you rushing off to teach him his long division. And of course this doesn't include the FDA checking to make sure those Hot Pockets you eat aren't tainted, or the EPA making sure you aren't poisoned by lethal fumes, or your state government keeping up your roads, stoplights, trash collection, police and fire departments, etc. I can abide mistakes, but you're just plain ignorant.

I'm all for my government maintaining the best standing army in the world. I'm willing to pay for that. But I realize that the EPA is a political advocacy-group in the pocket of the Sierra Club, public schools are a fucking joke and the FDA kills thousands of people every year by being a bureaucratic glacier in dealing with medical breakthroughs.

But you are right about one thing. I DON'T teach my son long division. Our "number game" goes more like this, with no pencil and paper allowed.

"QUINTON! NUMBER GAME! What is twelve plus ten, times two, divided by eleven?" He'll think for a minute and say, "That's FOUR!"

Yeah, you're right, prickbreath. I don't teach my son long division, at least not anymore. We left that elementary shit behind a long time ago, once he mastered it. If the problems aren't complicated, he doesn't enjoy solving them. And he didn't learn what he knows in public school. He learned it from ME and his mama.

Oh, "dear me." You never got anything more than a public school education, did you? I'll bet that YOU couldn't do the math problems I throw at my nine year-old son. Blow your asshole self up and call me ignorant.


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