Gut Rumbles

June 23, 2003

The oracle

I receive incredibly stupid emails sometimes and this is one of them.

Oh dear. Dear, dear me. The Federal Government does nothing for you? Oh come on Rob. How about funding that army you're so proud of? How about providing a decent education for your son? I know you piss and moan about a lot of the "liberal" stuff they tell him, but I don't see you rushing off to teach him his long division.
And of course this doesn't include the FDA checking to make sure those Hot Pockets you eat aren't tainted, or the EPA making sure you aren't poisoned by lethal fumes, or your state government keeping up your roads, stoplights, trash collection, police and fire departments, etc. I can abide mistakes, but you're just plain ignorant.

I'm all for my government maintaining the best standing army in the world. I'm willing to pay for that. But I realize that the EPA is a political advocacy-group in the pocket of the Sierra Club, public schools are a fucking joke and the FDA kills thousands of people every year by being a bureaucratic glacier in dealing with medical breakthroughs.

But you are right about one thing. I DON'T teach my son long division. Our "number game" goes more like this, with no pencil and paper allowed.

"QUINTON! NUMBER GAME! What is twelve plus ten, times two, divided by eleven?" He'll think for a minute and say, "That's FOUR!"

Yeah, you're right, prickbreath. I don't teach my son long division, at least not anymore. We left that elementary shit behind a long time ago, once he mastered it. If the problems aren't complicated, he doesn't enjoy solving them. And he didn't learn what he knows in public school. He learned it from ME and his mama.

Oh, "dear me." You never got anything more than a public school education, did you? I'll bet that YOU couldn't do the math problems I throw at my nine year-old son. Blow your asshole self up and call me ignorant.



How about providing a decent education for your son?

What an asshat.

"Providing" a decent education isn't Elmer Fed's job, it's the parents' job, and A-man does what he can with the time the court mandated to him.

Funding education isn't even Elmer Fed's job -- that's done by innocent homeowners and other real-property owners who pay property taxes whether we can afford to or not.

Fact is, the U.S. Dept. of Miseducation is nothing but a wholly owned political action committee of the teachers' union. The only education anybody gets from it is how useless Emer Fed is at doing anything worthwhile which is why the goddamn Founding Fathers didn't include the word "education" anywhere in the United fucking States goddamn Constitution.

But that's just my opinion.

Posted by: McGehee on June 23, 2003 07:20 PM

We had the best army in the world WITHOUT federal income taxes. The FDA does exactly NOTHING to check Hot Pockets for safety. The EPA is bought and paid for by whoever has the highest campaign donations, and the EPA TOTALLY ignores the biggest polluter in the world. Our US government is the biggest polluter in the world. That's fact. Dept. of Education's budget has more than doubled the last five years from $24 to $50 billion. Do we have twice the teachers? Are our kids twice as smart? Are the schools twice as good? NO, NO, NO. We have twice the bureaucrats running ten times the number of "programs" making 50 times harder for good teachers to do their jobs. Gas taxes pay for roads. Many cities have perfectly fine private trash collection. Police and fire are handled locally with property and sales tax and could probably fund themselves with all the ignorant $125 seat belt tickets they write. There isn't one thing mentioned besides the military that needs the Feds to be our nannies. I bet that person has a government job with plenty o time to send stupid emails just like that.

Posted by: Trigger on June 23, 2003 07:37 PM

This asshat has one of the most aggrevating bullshit perceptions just a lodged somewhere in that walnut sized brain of his - the the Federal Government 'funds' anything - its the American people that 'fund' these things, with our tax dollars.

Decent education? Like how to call Halloween 'The autumn festival', or Christmas 'the winter festival', but be absolutely sure to highlight the rituals surrounding the reverence of dung beetles doing their annual trek from one side of the stream to the other, that is an integral part of some 'diverse' culture or other. Never mind that its taken the fact that a significant percentage of high school graduates were being handed diplomas they couldn't frikkin read before people actually started to get into an uproar - and numbnuts like this probably defend the sort of crap that allowed the school systems to reach such abysmal levels.

Yep, FDA, holding up medications that have been through real world useage tests (hows a couple of Europeans for a test group?) so they can 'study' it further, while putting on the charade of food safety inspections where about 10% of the meat supply actually gets a going over - its the damned producers want to maintain their reputations, and thereby continuing to do business that keeps our food supplies safe, not some GS whumtecrat wandering around in a white coat with a frikkin clipboard.

EPA - hoo boy, a wonderful bunch if you're a snail darter or an obscure turtle with a slightly different marking scheme, but if you're bipedal and even think about 'improving' an area, watch your ass as you fill out reams of paperwork, wait for interminable gears to grind them up, and pray to whoever you get down on your knees to regularly that some prig in a hemp shirt doesn't come along and declare you're done because the weeds growing on your patch of dirt are 'markedly unique' from the ones that look almost exactly the same 500 yards away, or that some beetle crawling around doesn't have two extra dots on its wings as compared to beetles a half mile away.

Around here, the trash collection is a private concern, the cops and fire department seem to do ok, but don't get me started about the absolute mismanagement and idiocy that is VDOT...doing the best they can to promote the image of Va as 'the state that never finishes a road project in under 8 years, usually at the most inconvenient place to have it, too'.

Ahh, all better now.

Posted by: Wind Rider on June 23, 2003 07:45 PM

Those were fine rants! I am proud of all of you!

Posted by: Acidman on June 23, 2003 08:16 PM

Don't forget the NEA or the endowment for the arts....where else can we get kids who can't make change for a twenty or painted cows paid for by your tax $$? What a friggen moron...good post.....

Posted by: lip on June 23, 2003 08:34 PM

I grew up in an area that was supposed to have "excellent" public schools...

I was subsequently sent to a "private" school, and I can tell you the difference was like night and day! And believe me, it wasn't in the favor of the public school system!

My son was pulled from public school and sent to a private school when he was a Freshmen... If I had kids of school age today, I would not let them go NEAR any type of public school system. No way!


Posted by: Bob on June 23, 2003 11:12 PM

Let's not forget the fuckin' IRS, while we're about it, and my favorite waste of human breath, the ATFE.

At least about 10% of what the NEA does is worthwhile -- can't say that about the other bastards.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on June 23, 2003 11:14 PM

You miss the point a bit, Acidman. This guy just needs his MOMMY. No one ever has to grow up if government becomes MOMMY and always takes care of everyone so they don't have to become an adult. Government will teach Quinton everything he needs to know, it will collect your garbage, and do everything in between except your dirty socks. This guy would be a lot happier if government would do dirty socks too. Maybe next year. Personally, I believe government would rather forget long division and just teach Quinton to rely on government for everything, forever.

Posted by: Jack Boone on June 24, 2003 03:35 AM

I think Mr. Boone is the winner.

Posted by: McGehee on June 24, 2003 06:29 AM

I agree, Kevin.

Posted by: Acidman on June 24, 2003 06:29 PM

Kim is onto something that has slipped under most everyone's radar - The BATFE. There is a little piece of legislation that gave control of the 4th of July to the BATFE. It's called the Safe Fireworks Act (HA!). They made a good running swipe at outlawing fireworks by regulation this year, and next year I think they will pull it off.

Oh, and if you were paying attention yesterday, the NFPA put out a call to ban ALL consumer-level fireworks. I believe those used to be classified by the moniker of "Class C". Not kinda, not sorta, but utterly. NO MORE FIREWORKS AVAILABLE TO ANYONE BUT LOCAL, STATE, AND FEDERAL GOVERNMENTS.

This quote ought to scare the hell out of you :

"Since 1910, NFPA has crusaded against the consumer use of fireworks. There is no safe way to use these devices. They endanger not only the users, but also bystanders, resulting in serious injuries and deaths every year. They cause thousands of fires and destroy surrounding property and structures. We advocate celebrating our nation's independence at public fireworks displays, conducted by the professionals."

James M. Shannon, President & CEO
NFPA (National Fire Protection Association)

If you think the NFPA is blowing smoke (no pun intended), then ask your local fire marshall, or city folk in charge of enforcing fire codes what they enforce. By fiat, the NFPA writes the fire codes of the land.

If you think the BATFE isn't gearing up to come after the guns next, you are fool. Fireworks are the only source left of explosives that John Q. Public can lay his hands on. After all the potential bombs are gone, what is to stop the guns from going bye-bye? Hmmm?

After the bombs and guns are gone, what are you going to use against Unca Sam? Spitwads?

Posted by: Buster on June 24, 2003 06:45 PM

They will have to go after All combustibles then, no fertilizers, no gasoline, no turpentine, anything that will explode or burn.
Does that mean they will round us all up, put us into steel cages in clothed in frc's? That's what they will have to do, to stop the creativity we can come up with. I bet we can make one hell of a mess before they shut us all down.

Posted by: quark2 on June 24, 2003 07:34 PM

What? No more "Voodoo Balls?"

Posted by: Acidman on June 25, 2003 09:35 PM

There's nothing to gain and nothing to lose.

Posted by: Wolfe Justin on May 3, 2004 11:59 AM
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