Gut Rumbles

January 04, 2010

Crisis at the Crackerbox

Originally published June 8, 2004

I MUST go to the store today. I used my last can of Raid this morning.

Yeah, ants made another invasion of my domicile and attacked my kitchen trash can this time. I gassed them until I ran out of ammo. I probably killed 100,000 of the little shits, but my blood was up and I wasn't satisfied.

I went to my garage, opened a 20-pound bag of Ortho ant killer and treated my entire yard. I paid special attention to every mound or ant-burrow I saw. I used the entire 20-pound bag and I imagine that I wreaked enough havoc and devastation on the ant population to keep them at bay for a couple of days. But they'll be back. They ALWAYS come back.

You know what REALLY made spreading ant-killer on my yard just tons of fun? While I was killing ants, the goddamn deer flies attacked me from every direction. Those nasty-assed, flesh-rending bastards tore me up. They had mosquitoes running interference for them, too, and I was wearing nothing but a pair of cut-off blue-jeans, presenting a very appetizing target. I was damn near eaten alive before I got back inside.

Ah... life in the South...

Post a comment

*Note: If you are commenting on an older entry, your
comment will not appear until it has been approved.
Do not resubmit it.