January 05, 2010

Synchronized swimming

Originally published August 28, 2004

I occasionally air dirty little secrets about me on this site. I am about to do it again now: I love synchronized swimming today!

I didn't feel that way when I was writing for the Red and Black at the University of Georgia. I was sent to review a synchronized swimming meet in the UGA pool back in 1975. Bejus! The wimmen resembled manatees with Borg implants.

Oh, they swam most impressively, but they all looked like Fido's ass. Those goggles, those nose-plugs, those ear-plugs and those double-wide, unsinkable asses just didn't impress me at all. For years afterward, I couldn't MAKE myself watch synchronized swimming--- kinda like the way you can't face Southern Comfort again after you puked your guts out from drinking too much of the stuff.

But I fell off the wagon last night while watching the Olympics. I didn't switch channels when synchronized swimming started. I am delighted that I didn't, too.

HOLY SHIT!!! Those chicitas are BABES!!! No more goggles, ear-plugs, nose-plugs or other Borg implants. They swim bare-faced and they SMILE all the way through a grueling routine. Gone are those double-wide, unsinkable asses; instead, they all have the nice legs of a gymnast and asses that probably taste like vanilla if you took a bite (and believe me, I WANTED TO!). They still don't grow a lot of titties in the pool, but the rest more than makes up for that very minor defect.

I confess. I LIKE synchronized swimming now.