Gut Rumbles

October 17, 2009

I'm scared

Originally published August 19, 2004

I don't like to admit it, but I am frightened right now. I fear no man and I don't fear dying. I've done a lot of rough and tough shit in my life and I've NEVER backed down from a fight. I've had my ass whipped and I survived. I've stood up to rough cobs who threatened me with a pipe wrench, and I survived that, too.

But my ex-wife is going to gut me like a fresh bream in court. That's GONNA happen, and I know it. And I can't do a damned thing about it. Well, I can refuse to abide by the ruling and have all the power of government trained against me, which is what I intend to do. I've got my money pretty well-hidden, so they can take ME, but they can't take that.

They'll take my Crackerbox and lock me up like a criminal. If that's the way it goes, it goes that way. My freedom is important to me, but if push comes to shove, I'll sacrifice everything to stand on my principles. I am built that way. I'm a Cracker, but I still have a lot of hillbilly in me. Fuck 'em. I just won't do what they say.

When Quinton was a little boy, he sometimes had nightmares and woke up crying. I held him and told him that he had nothing to worry about. Daddy would protect him. "There ain't no booger-man here, Quinton, and if there WAS, I'd snatch him up by the neck and throw him outta this house. What am I afraid of?"


"That's right. What else am I afraid of?"

"Nothing, Daddy."

"That's right, too. And you remember that any monster who comes after YOU will have to go through ME first, and that ain't gonna happen. I never saw a monster in my life that I couldn't whip. You go on back to sleep now and don't worry any more. I'll make sure that nothing bad happens to you."

I meant every word that I said to him. At that time, I never saw a monster that I couldn't whip.

I'm looking at one now.

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