August 23, 2008

Jobs I don't want

Originally published March 4, 2005

* Cop. I've never wanted to be a policeman and I don't understand people who do. I have two good friends (well... good acquaintences) and one cousin who are cops and they love their jobs. They can have that line of work. Different strokes for different folks.

* Politician. I'd just as soon put on a tin bill and peck shit with the chickens. Hell, that's what most politicians do anyway.

* Firefighter. I've been trained to do it, but I never LIKED doing it. Real firefighters have smoke in their veins and fire in their eyes. I don't.

* Salesman. I don't have the personality for such an occupation. I can't eat the shit those people do every day. I'd rather be a firefighter.

* Mortician. Yeah, I know that people are just DYING to be your clients, but I'd rather have YOU do that job, not me. I believe in cremation anyway.

* Nurse. I've dated a few nurses and bedded a few along the way. Most of them are wonderful, uninhibited lays. But I couldn't do what they do every day. Too much dealing with bedpans, suppositories and death for me.

* Accountant. I know that's a good line of work, especially when you get a CPA. But I'd go crazy staring at numbers all day. I can feel my hair falling out just from thinking about it.

* President of the United States. Yeah, I intend for the "Reprobates in 2008" to take over the country, but when I'm HMFIC, I will DELEGATE a lot of responsibility. In fact, I will delegate ALL of it if I can. I'm just in the race for some strange pussy, kinda like Bill Clinton.

Just a sample of more things you really need to know about me before you volunteer to have my love-child.