Gut Rumbles

March 04, 2005

jobs i don't want

* Cop. I've never wanted to be a policeman and I don't understand people who do. I have two good friends (well... good acquaintences) and one cousin who are cops and they love their jobs. They can have that line of work. Different strokes for different folks.

* Politician. I'd just as soon put on a tin bill and peck shit with the chickens. Hell, that's what most politicians do anyway.

* Firefighter. I've been trained to do it, but I never LIKED doing it. Real firefighters have smoke in their veins and fire in their eyes. I don't.

* Salesman. I don't have the personality for such an occupation. I can't eat the shit those people do every day. I'd rather be a firefighter.

* Mortician. Yeah, I know that people are just DYING to be your clients, but I'd rather have YOU do that job, not me. I believe in cremation anyway.

* Nurse. I've dated a few nurses and bedded a few along the way. Most of them are wonderful, uninhibited lays. But I couldn't do what they do every day. Too much dealing with bedpans, suppositories and death for me.

* Accountant. I know that's a good line of work, especially when you get a CPA. But I'd go crazy staring at numbers all day. I can feel my hair falling out just from thinking about it.

* President of the United States. Yeah, I intend for the "Reprobates in 2008" to take over the country, but when I'm HMFIC, I will DELEGATE a lot of responsibility. In fact, I will delegate ALL of it if I can. I'm just in the race for some strange pussy, kinda like Bill Clinton.

Just a sample of more things you really need to know about me before you volunteer to have my love-child.


Tin bill and peck shit with the chickens. I like that. It sounds like something within my wheelhouse. I love that. Wheelhouse. It's almost as good as synergy and paradigm.

Posted by: Kim on March 4, 2005 03:51 PM

"I'm just in the race for some strange pussy, kinda like Bill Clinton."

...and don't forget the matching funds thing! Man, just ask ol' Al Sharpton.

Road Trip!

Can I come too? I'll be the accountant... heh

Posted by: wmprof on March 4, 2005 04:41 PM

Reprobate is a job which seems to suit you. Any job at this point would be a step in the right direction. Wanted: Layabout Lout. 800 Eat-Shit. Call now.

Posted by: Monk on March 4, 2005 04:47 PM

If I were President, I would delegate most of the delegating to Thomas Sowel.

Posted by: Dave Munger on March 4, 2005 05:29 PM

Accounting is the language of business, and reading financial reports is no different than translating Spanish into English. If I see Spanish, all I see are letters and no words, because I don't know that language. If you see accounting, all you see are numbers --but, I see a story about the company covering its history and operations. On the other hand, preparing those numbers and doing the bookkeeping is awful and takes a real loner to enjoy that. (Wait, all the mass murderers are called loners, so change that to focused.)

Posted by: Woody on March 5, 2005 09:46 AM

Telemarketer would have to rank in my top 2. I'm not sure there is one person in the world who actually likes telemarketers. Could you imagine what they have to go through when they're at a party and someone asks them what they do for a living? I'd rather be a mortician, at least you might have some cool stories, but telemarketers? Blah!

Posted by: The Mayor on March 5, 2005 10:36 AM

I be thinking you could possibly be a brit? Your selection of language is quite unique...
I might "layabout" with your bitch, and laugh all the way "with her" to the club, and spend your money. I am laughing as I drink this shot.......
call 800 layaboutlout....

Posted by: murry on March 6, 2005 03:31 AM

Looks like I'm going to have to put "murry" on my shit-list and ban his comments. Another day, another troll...

Posted by: Acidman on March 7, 2005 08:56 AM
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