June 06, 2008

Things I will not do

Originally published November 3, 2003

I don't believe in the Ten Commandments.

I believe that they are Ten Good Rules to Live By, but I can justify breaking every one of them. "Thou Shalt Not Steal," for example. Damn good rule. I'm not going to break into your home and steal your property. But when I have a garage sale and make $300 selling my junk to strangers for cash, I DO NOT declare that money on my income tax form. That's stealing from the government if you want to get technical about it, but I'll do it and feel totally guilt-free. Those bastards in government steal enough of MY money that I'll screw 'em every chance I get.

"Thou Shalt Not Kill." I don't believe that I am capable of cold-blooded murder. But if someone breaks into the Crackerbox at night or tries to molest my son, I am perfectly capable of performing an execution. Nope, I don't buy that commandment because sometimes, people NEED to be dragged off and shot for the good of the rest of society.

"Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother." That's wonderful advice if you have good parents. But I've listened to too many black guys at work brag that, "I KNOW I'm a MAN, because I've got three chil'ren." Yeah. From three different wimmen, all on welfare and you don't pay a nickel of support or a bit of attention to ANY of them. You're some kind of "man," all right. Why should ANYBODY honor that kind of "father" or the woman who bears his child?

"Thou Shalt Not Covet". WTF? Covetousness is the entire platform of the Democratic Party today. Just listen to ANY speech given by Richard Gephardt. TAX THE RICH! WIN "LIFE'S LOTTERY!" AFFIRMATIVE ACTION! GOVERNMENT GIVEAWAYS! Come one, come all and covet your ass off. I'll steal from THEM and give it all to YOU. COVET! And vote Democrat.

"Put No Other Gods Before Me." I've got a problem with that one. If I were omnipotent and you had the fucking NERVE to put another god before ME, I would smite the shit out of you with my rod and my staff and my Holy Combat Boot. God doesn't seem to operate that way. I believe that he is either incompetent or disinterested.

"Do Not Bear False Witness." BWHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!! We live in a society BASED ON LIES today. Just listen to CNN, for crying out loud. Become a "human resource" for a large corporation. An honest man in THAT shark-pool will have his nuts handed to him in a zip-lock baggie. Fuck that. I am not a good liar, because I don't have a real sharp memory. I prefer to stick with the truth because it's easier to recall. But anyone who tells you that "honesty is the best policy" in TODAY's world is blowing smoke up your naive ass. I still like the line Ernest Borgnine said in The Wild Bunch: "It ain't your WORD that counts! It's WHO you give it TO!" Amen.

In spite of my cynicism and disbelief in "commandments," I still have certain lines in the sand that I will not cross. I would never sell a friend down the river to save my own ass. I will not lie outright to you, but I may fail to tell the entire truth unless I'm pressed for all the details. I may embellish a story here and there, but the nugget in the middle is the truth.

I have never hit a woman in anger (I confess to doing some sport-spanking, but that's different) and I never will. I have never raped a woman, but I don't always take the first "No!" for a final no. I will paw at you and work my wiles until your intentions are clear; then, I'll leave you alone if you are not interested. I like a woman in my bed who WANTS to be there.

I have never even considered molesting a child and I believe that anyone attracted to pederasty should be dragged off and shot. Molest Quinton and I'll drag you off and shoot you myself.

I don't play by a lot of rules. But the ones I DO have are etched in stone.

That way, I keep life as simple as I can.