Gut Rumbles

April 08, 2008

How it works

Originally published August 5, 2003

I received an email from the BC today... NO, GODDAMIT! Let me back up. I was walking somewhere that I needed to go and I couldn't see around the corner, but I heard my ex-wife say "Herrow." That's what she does to impress people that she doesn't give a shit about. She does that happy-faced, Charlie Chan "herrow" to people who don't know her.

I turned the corner and ran into her and the Plant Manager. The plant manager said, "Rob, how are things going in Finishing?" I replied, "Not that bad, boss. All the problems are minor and we should have a good production day."

He said, "GOOD!" and bulled on by me. That left me face to face with my ex-wife.

"Herrow," she said, with that same phoney fuck-face that she uses on everyone else in that plant. I said, "Herrow," too, because I didn't know what else to say. I spent a lot of time thinking about that encounter later.

That woman slept in my bed for ten years. We grew a son together. We owned and sold five different houses as we did better in life. I held her when she was sick and I once thought that we shared every secret we ever had with each other.

Now, I rate a "Herrow," and a big phoney grin when our paths cross.

I don't understand people who own a Magic Slate in their minds. Just pull the tab and everything ever written on the page goes away. Nothing was never there to begin with. It was all just lines on a Magic Slate.

I was married to one of those people. I never believed that she could operate that way until she pulled the tab on me. Now, she is rising to new heights in a company that sent me another "Company Code of Ethics" form to sign the other day.

It swears you to honesty, fealty, fair practices, respect for fellow man and good conduct in all aspects of your life. Fuck. I signed it. She did, too, the bloodless cunt.

What a fucking joke. My ex-wife is in charge of a finger-pointing, career-destroying pimp brigade, dedicated to fucking with people every chance they get. She is the PERFECT head of that militia. Her code of ethics is lower than that of an alley rat, but that's the kind of behavior the company rewards. Just sign the fucking paper. We don't really mean that bullshit.

Aw, I'm ranting now and I'm going to shut up. I didn't really mean MY bullshit, either. I just pulled the tab on the Magic Slate and it never happened. That's ethical, isn't it?

My problem is that I DO have a bullshit detector. And I can't turn it off.

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