Gut Rumbles

January 12, 2008

Now that I think about it

Originally published December 5, 2003

Why the hell did I get a goddam dog?

So far, she has shit twice on the floor, chewed up my favorite belt, eaten a hole in my favorite pillow, dug trenches in my yard WHERE I HAD ACTUAL GRASS GROWING, climbed up on the coffee table to raid a box of Ritz Crackers, dragged a jar of peanut butter onto the couch and damn nearly chewed the lid off of THAT, left my bathroom mat in pieces and pissed on my couch.

Those are the crimes she committed that I am aware of. I suspect that the sneaky little fuck has done a lot more and gotten away with it.

She stays in a cage now when I leave the house. I would not be surprised to come home and find her loose, with the door chewed off the cage. She acts sweet and innocent, and she's great around kids, but she has the mind of a feral rat.

Why the hell did I get a goddam dog?

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