Gut Rumbles

December 05, 2003

now that I think about it...

Why the hell did I get a goddam dog?

So far, she has shit twice on the floor, chewed up my favorite belt, eaten a hole in my favorite pillow, dug trenches in my yard WHERE I HAD ACTUAL GRASS GROWING, climbed up on the coffee table to raid a box of Ritz Crackers, dragged a jar of peanut butter onto the couch and damn nearly chewed the lid off of THAT, left my bathroom mat in pieces and pissed on my couch.

Those are the crimes she committed that I am aware of. I suspect that the sneaky little fuck has done a lot more and gotten away with it.

She stays in a cage now when I leave the house. I would not be surprised to come home and find her loose, with the door chewed off the cage. She acts sweet and innocent, and she's great around kids, but she has the mind of a feral rat.

Why the hell did I get a goddam dog?


Because if you have the character I think you do, you'll learn to discipline this dog into a fine animal, unless you are just too impatient or feel too old to go to the trouble, but I can't see you disappointing Quinton with some excuse as that.

I have an eleven year old beagle that was high spirited as a pup, and I had to spend some frustrated hours getting her to cease some digging and other problem behaviors, but now that she's the compliant dog she is, I can't imagine life without her.

You can see pictures of her at my Blog.

Puppies are great for the first four months. They are a constant pain until they are two years old, and that's assuming you are good at training dogs. After that, they are great to have around.

Posted by: Commander Will on December 5, 2003 04:10 PM

So, in other words, you have a normal dog?!?!

Posted by: Michael Demmons on December 5, 2003 04:13 PM

No dog needs to have the run of your place until it's at least 2 years old.

Posted by: robin on December 5, 2003 04:13 PM

Yeah, I chew shit up. I'm a dog for christsakes. I confess to shitting on the floor as well. I had to. You pissed me off, when you locked me in that goddamn cage. Tonight, I'm gonna eat your shoes, Just for fun.
Kiss my ass,
The Dog

Posted by: Your dog on December 5, 2003 04:19 PM

Because dogs rawk! You may lose a couple boxes of crackers, and an occasional jar of peanut butter, and you may have really liked that belt and that bathmat.. but belts can't hold a candle to doggy love.

Posted by: JaxVenus on December 5, 2003 04:23 PM

Your new dog is exhibiting symptoms of separation anxiety - especially if she is doing those things when you are not at home. You can't discipline her with a spanking unless you catch her in the act of doing something wrong (since dogs learn by association). You are probably doing the best thing you can do by crating her when you leave the house.

Posted by: sugarmama on December 5, 2003 04:26 PM

My sister had a similar problem with her rat terrier. She & her husband went out and got a 2nd dog so the 1st dog would have some company during the day when they were at work. It hasn't completely eliminated accidents and behavior boo-boos, but it cut them way down.

Posted by: El Capitan on December 5, 2003 04:28 PM

Hang in there; after all, it took your Momma and Daddy quite a while to "tame" you, didn't it ??

Posted by: MommaBear on December 5, 2003 04:54 PM

Acidman, access your November 2003 Archives and re-read:

November 17: poker, dogs and guns; 10:35 a.m.
November 21: thinkging about dogs; 11:16 a.m.
November 21: another tack; 1:43 p.m.
November 23: I am out of my mind; 12:10 p.m.
November 24: Oddball; 12:02 p.m.
November 24: My Dog Likes Me; 9:51 p.m.
November 25: Oddball Update; 7:49 p.m.
November 26: I Have New Neighbors; 2:16 p.m.
November 27: The new woman in my life; 9:45 a.m.
November 27: A Link; 11:02 a.m.

After you remember those posts, you've only mentioned Oddball three times, including this afternoon.

November 28: Dogs; 9:31 a.m.
November 30: Strange 6:27 p.m.
December 5: Now That I Think About It; 3:56 p.m.

Posted by: Ms Anna on December 5, 2003 05:14 PM

Get Vicki Hearne's _Adam's Task: Calling Animals by Name_

read two essays, one on Washoe, one on ``How to Say Fetch!''

See if the training method makes sense to you. If so, get Koehler's _The Koehler Method of Dog Training_ (which works so well that it's disparaged by politically correct people not only today but when it came out, when it was banned in Arizona in the 60s).

Train the Novice course, and you will find the dog listens to everything so carefully that she's easy to train for everything else. That is, the behavior you don't like will then be easily fixed, as follows: ``Oddball, no.''

Training takes 8 weeks, 12 if you want to train to work at liberty.

It worked so well for me that I went on to Open, Utility and Tracking, just to have something formal to train.

Geez, it's not as if training dogs were a lost art. It's all written down, by the greatest trainers ever.

Do not use the ``problems'' section of Koehler's novice book without training the novice course first. The course trains the dog not to do the first thing that pops into her head. Then the problems section works.

Posted by: Ron Hardin on December 5, 2003 06:08 PM

I had three dogs at one time. Never again. Period. If you have dogs in the house you'd better expect to live in a kennel. Simple as that. Put up with it or get rid of it.

Posted by: Don on December 5, 2003 06:25 PM

Sugarmama, Is a rolled-up newspaper still the best to spank with?

Posted by: Ms Anna on December 5, 2003 06:29 PM

Go to your local vet and get a prescription for Prozac (supposed to be good for the separation anxiety). Of course, if you go to your local MD and get a prescription, maybe you won't care about the dog shit on the carpet.

Kennels are good.

Well, you HAD to know that the dog was up for adoption for SOME reason, didn't you?

Posted by: SwampWoman on December 5, 2003 06:32 PM

I told you didn't want a dog but now you have one just deal with it for about 15 years Quinton should be in college but what the Hell!

Posted by: Georgia on December 5, 2003 06:51 PM

Patience, patience. Loyalty, thy name is dog, so it's very difficult for a grown dog to transfer its loyalty to a new human. Not impossible, but it takes a little time. I adopted my dog when she was about 3 and her former owner couldn't keep her, and there was an awkward period when I was afraid she would never bond, but then it happened and we're just fine.

I also don't trust her as far as I can throw her, and she's not a Chihuahah. Usually there's someone in the house, but when there isn't the kitchen (and the garbage) are locked off and inaccessible, as are any rooms with shittable carpets. She can roam the front part with the wood parquet floors, which she can't really damage, and this lets her guard the front door to her heart's content.

It's not so much a matter of distrusting her, as recognizing that she has no resistance to temptation and shielding her from it, to mutual benefit. You're doing the same by locking Oddball up when you can't be there to monitor her behavior. Keep doing that, and keep loving her when you're home and can control her, so that she learns that she wants to please you and make you happy, and I hope matters will improve.

Posted by: Steve Teeter on December 5, 2003 07:43 PM

You got a dog because when you're feeling down and feeling like the whole world doesn't give a fuck if you life or die you'll be sitting on the couch and your dog will come up, put her head in your lap and suddenly the whole world be right again. Yes, it takes time to train them; yes, it takes time for them to learn what is right and what is wrong, but they will learn.
My dog is allowed on the couch at my house, she isn't allowed on the couch at my mom's house and she figured out to not get on my couch when my mom is visiting. They're smarter than you want to give them credit for, but they will learn.
Oh, and make sure you clean up where she's shit on the carpet really well or else it will still smell like shit and she'll think it's okay to shit there again.

Posted by: Erin on December 5, 2003 08:25 PM

So is this the post by the poser? It has my vote.

Posted by: Ray on December 5, 2003 08:45 PM

I need to take some of Don's advice. I just cleaned up more shit than I make in a week. My 20 lb dog made it in ONE day.

Posted by: sugarmama on December 5, 2003 09:12 PM

This is the poser's post. Unless drinking has managed to turn you into your negative double, the real you then having been transmitted to his parallel realm, there to be found posting unthinkably loving and sensitive musings in that dark land, recieved as we speak by the befuddled polar others, who will soon have you caged, and are wondering in their necessarily paranoid way what more you, "the sneaky little fuck", have gotten away with.

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on December 5, 2003 11:27 PM

Since this post has all the cuss words, and you said she said, all she had to do was pepper her post with cussing, I'm gonna guess she wrote this entry. However, that is the only reason I would pick this one. Other wise I would have guessed she wrote the post AFTER this.

Posted by: wanda on December 6, 2003 02:53 AM

What Erin said... I'd agree. Quit whining, be the Alpha, love and discipline. You SEEM like someone who could handle that...

Posted by: MaryAnn on December 6, 2003 04:46 AM

This is my pick for the poser post. And I think it's Angie.

Posted by: Adam on December 6, 2003 03:46 PM

ROFLMAO! Hilarious.

Posted by: Joy on December 6, 2003 04:22 PM

This is my vote for the first fake post. Got-Dam.

Posted by: Otto on December 7, 2003 12:46 AM

Just wait 'till she starts dragging your wunders out of the laundry hamper and chewing holes in 'em. Makes for some interesting conversation when they come wandering into the living room, said wunderunders dangling from their mouth, just as your neighbor arrives to complain about the barking. And that look of "Who, me?" plastered all over their faces.

Posted by: Minerva on December 7, 2003 01:35 AM

Yeah. And kittens litterbox train themselves as soon as their eyes are open and they can stand up on their own legs. Still think dogs are superior?

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Posted by: autodirektversicherung on January 7, 2004 01:48 PM

He does not seem to me to be a free man who does not sometimes do nothing.

Posted by: Nielsen Lief on January 25, 2004 08:16 PM

It is only the most intelligent and the most stupid who are not susceptible to change.

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