Gut Rumbles

January 11, 2008

Possum season

Originally published December 4, 2003

I stopped by Mack's Gun Shop yesterday and learned something that I did not know before: we have a "Possum Season" in Georgia. It runs from something like September to May (I didn't really pay attention to the dates) and a license to hunt them costs $5.00.

WTF is THAT about? I see more dead possums on the side of the road than I do dead armadillos around here, and I see a LOT of dead armadillos on the road. People actually PAY to get a LICENSE to hunt those varmits? What do you do when you kill one? Mount its head on the wall as a trophy? Don't tell me that you're going to EAT it. That thought sickens me.

I once saw a dead cow lying under an oak tree. During a thunderstorm, lightning hit the tree and killed the cow, who was standing under the tree at the time. The cow laid there for almost a week in the Southern summertime before the farmer finally hired a back-hoe operator to bury it.

My friends and I cut through that field one day before that burial and the cow appeared to be breathing. It was stinking to high heaven, but it's sides were pulsating. Flies were buzzing around it and maggots were already making their presence known, but the cow was MOVING.

One of my friends grabbed a stick and beat on the cow. After that, we counted six possums retreating from the cow's asshole, right through the way they came in. They had been inside the cow feasting on that rotten meat from the inside out. I don't believe I've ever seen a more disgusting sight in my life.

Now. Do YOU want to go possum hunting?

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