April 25, 2007

Dark confessions

Originally published September 13, 2004

I am about to bare my soul to whoever reads this blog. For as far back as I can remember in my life, I have experienced sexual fantasies about wimmen I saw on TV. Some of them weren't even SUPPOSED to be sexy, but they were to me. Here are my top 10:

#1. Elizabeth Montgomery as "Samantha" on Bewitched.

#2. Amanda Blake as "Kitty" on Gunsmoke.

#3. BOTH of those chicks on "Three's Company." AT ONCE.

#4. Barbara Eden as "Genie."

#5. Patty Duke, back in her "identical cousins" days.

#6. MORTICIA ADDAMS!!! YES!!!! I ADMIT IT!!!! SHE MADE ME HOT!!!!

#7. Donna Douglas as "Ellie May" on The Beverly Hillbillies. I kissed her once.

#8. Lucille Ball. I'd be a liar if I didn't say Lucy looked like a hot-blooded redhead in her younger days. Yeah... I'll just BET that she and Ricky slept in separate beds.

#9. Miss Nancy on "Romper Room" when I was a LITTLE boy. See how rotten I am? I wanted to jump through that Magic Mirror and grab a handfull of titty when I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD!!!

#10. Emma Peel from "The Avengers." (That was Diana Riggs, right?) Any man MY age who says he never fantasized about peeling Emma is either a got-dam liar or a faggot. Ow, man---that skin-tight black leather! That ass! Those legs!!!!

Excuse me. I need to go take a shower.