April 25, 2007

What a language

Originally published October 22, 2004

English contains a lot of words that SOUND dirty, even though they aren't. Just roll these words around on your tongue and see if you don't feel dirty and want to brush your teeth afterward.

Ointment. I see that word and I think of pig sex.

Lucrative. I don't know if that's a secretion of bodily fluid or a brand of K-Y Jelly.

Unguent. That sounds like a really bad piece of ass.

Flit. That's a part of the female anatomy, somewhere around that mysterious G-Spot.

Annual. Go visit a urologist. He'll stick a finger up your annual.

Pedantry. If that doesn't sound like a sexual perversion, I don't know what does.

Caliper. That's something nasty that men do to wimmen, but I don't know exactly what it is. I think it involves spurs and a bullwhip.

Hormone. That's a fake orgasm.

Cicada. That's a deadly venereal disease.

Kudzu. That's what leaves a wet spot on the bed after you've performed a caliper.

Ooze. That word is too gross to talk about.

See what happens to me when I get bored?