Gut Rumbles

June 09, 2006


I learn some really neat things from my comments. When someone threw the word "twatburger" in a comment on a post I wrote about boiled peanuts, I almost fell outta my chair.

"Twatburger." BWHAHAHAAAA!!! I think I heard that word years ago, but I had forgotten all about it. After reading that comment, I realized that I've eaten a LOT of those things over the years--- both the fresh, pink, delicious kind, AND the ones served up stale and moldy in Divorce Court.

To ME, a good twatburger is served raw, marinated in its own natural juices. You may have to crack it open a little with your fingers, but it's worth that modicum of effort for the sweet taste you get as a result.

I don't like the Organic Ones, with weeds growing all over. If I have to hack through that kind of underbrush with my TEETH, I end up with annoying pieces of thatch stuck all inside my mouth the next morning, and it's hell to get rid of that shit with floss and a toothbrush.

But I don't like the newborn-baby look, either. I'm NOT a child molester. Don't show me a bare twatburger with NO dressing on it and expect ME to eat it. Got-dam! If I wanted THAT, I would respond to one of those spam-things I receive regularly, advertising pre-school girls fucking barnyard animals. Sorry... but I'll pass on THAT.

A GOOD-LOOKIN' twatburger should have some decoration on it, kinda like a parsley sprig on a dish of rare steak. I wear a beard, but I keep it nicely trimmed. Wimmen should do the same thing.

It's all in the presentation, people!!! Show me a twatburger with a Van Dyke cut, that doesn't spray stray growth out from under the elastic of a bikini bottom, but still displays a sign of MATURITY underneath the bikini bottom, and I'll jump in there with...uh... lip-smacking gusto. (BOTH sets of lips--- mine AND hers)

But that shaved, totally nekkid thing? I'm sorry. YOU may think it's hygenic or sexy, but I DON'T. I prefer MY wimmen to LOOK like wimmen--- NOT like little girls.

Bejus! Writing this post made me hungry. For a good, old-fashioned TWATBURGER. Bring it to me on a plate in my bed, but hold the shaving cream.


Actually, it's not so much that it's hygenic or sexy, but it just feels so damn good to be bare down there. Trust me on this one.

But I like hair on my menfolks, so go figure. I'm kind of a gal who doesn't practice what she preaches apparently.

Posted by: trouble on June 9, 2006 10:43 AM

We always referred to the hair that sticks out on either side of the Bikini Bottom as "Bozo." It reminds one of that Famous Clown's hair-do.

The difference between a Brazilian Wax Job and a Panamanian Wax Job? The Panamanian Wax Job has more jungle on either side...and a canal running up the middle.

Posted by: Elisson on June 9, 2006 10:49 AM

When I first saw a "landing strip," there was an emergency and I had to foam the runway.

Posted by: BlogDog on June 9, 2006 11:29 AM

*pervy snerk* Color me dirty but I HAD to peek in JUST to see the comments on this particular rant of yours!

Posted by: PattiG on June 9, 2006 12:32 PM

"twatburger"?!?!?!?! LMAO! Hey Ellison, is that on your infamous list?

Good gawd that is funny.

Posted by: Evilicious Blonde on June 9, 2006 12:36 PM

I've noticed in my old age that some of the bare ones look like someone stuck a set of tongs up to about the boobs and pulled something that don't belong there out and left it hanging. Some look good, most are just gross. LMAO

Posted by: Scrapiron on June 9, 2006 12:59 PM

Ummmm, you SO need to get laid, sugar.

And the landing strip with everything else gone is a nice look and feel. I'm just sayin'...... BUT DO NOT WAX IN THE GOODS!! For gawwd's sake, SHAVE down in the kitty!!

Posted by: LL on June 9, 2006 01:36 PM

Another oldie: Fur burger and a side order of thighs.

The bald ones just look like and open sore.

Posted by: anonymous on June 9, 2006 03:00 PM

Ok, so I'm the odd one here. I prefer all natural. Some trimming is ok but I don't go for the landing stripe or the completely bald unless it is natural. Some asian women are like that, almost bald. It's still natural.

Posted by: RayH on June 9, 2006 03:47 PM

I wonder how many people resisted the urge to check the comments here.. Blogdog wins for funniest comment IMHO...

Posted by: Lisa on June 9, 2006 04:38 PM

(snif) (wipes away a tear), Thank you. I try. I really do.

Posted by: BlogDog on June 9, 2006 05:27 PM

God,I love a hairy bush.

Posted by: alcanal on June 9, 2006 07:16 PM

I do love the way your mind works sometimes. I've only been reading your blog for a couple of months, but I find that I check it several times during the day...just out of curiosity. You never know what you'll come up with! Shaved is good. Balls, too.

Posted by: Sandy on June 9, 2006 07:50 PM

If we're giving out awards Lisa, I can't contest yours, but I'm giving mine to Elisson for most informative.

Posted by: Libby on June 9, 2006 08:24 PM

Keep the grass on the green TIGHT, ladies. Don't really care if it's a "Landing Strip", "Hitler 'Stache" or a "Wood Floor." Just keep it close and clean.

And I do shave my balls, Sandy.

Posted by: rightisright on June 9, 2006 09:51 PM

The worst thing about eating bald pussy? Putting the pamper back on when your done!

Sorry...Old favorite playground joke...

Posted by: Steph on June 10, 2006 06:14 PM
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