June 01, 2006

friends

When I was in high school, I thought that having a LOT of "friends" was IMPORTANT. In fact, I had the bizarre notion that popularity equalled worth back in those days. And I tried very hard to be worthy.

As I grew older, I changed my mind. I realized that TRUE friends are few and far between, and "friendships" had nothing whatsoever to do with popularity or whether you dated a certain cheerleader or not. Friendship came from trust, and a certainty that you could count on THAT person when you were down and out.

True friends accept you as you are, warts and all. THEY know your flaws better than you do yourself, and they still believe that you're worth having as a friend. I'm very lucky to have a few of those people in my life today. I've known them for YEARS, and they've seen me at my very best and at my very worst, too.

THEY would never turn on me, kick me when I was down or slander my name all over the internet, even if they thought that I deserved it. Friends just DON'T DO THAT.

My ex-wife got all pissed off at me when I received a phone call at 2:00 in the morning from two of my REAL FRIENDS who were stranded on the road with car trouble on Highway 25, somewhere between Savannah and Augusta. I crawled out of bed and went to rescue them, while my darling wife harped at me, saying "YOU have to go to work in the morning! Let 'em find their OWN way home!!!"

I drove through the darkness up Highway 25 until I found them. Then, I gave them both a ride to their homes. THEN, I went to work, two hours late, but I called my boss and TOLD HIM ahead of time that I would be "a little late" getting to work, because I had "personal business" to conduct at 2:00 in the morning.

He asked no questions. Hell--- I NEVER missed work and I NEVER showed up late, so I had a lot of markers in reserve for me to use in a situation such as that one. I cashed a few of 'em that day for my FRIENDS. That's what I was saving them for.

When I got off work that day, I picked up one of MY FRIENDS, drove back up Highway 25 until we found his dead vehicle, hooked his car to my truck with a strap, and I TOWED his defunct vehicle all the way back to Savannah. I didn't get home again until well after dark.

The wife continued to bitch at me. "Are you outta your MIND, Rob? You spent half of last night and most of today doing something STUPID!!! Do you think that those guys would have done that for YOU???"

I didn't answer that question, but I knew the answer. The ex-wife simply could not understand the concept of friendship the way that I did. (She never had many friends--- I wonder why?) I thought, YES!!! Those guys WOULD have done the same thing for me, with no questions asked. That's what friends DO.

Those guys also know some of my deepest, darkest secrets, and they've never "shared" those with ANYBODY else that I'm aware of. Friends don't do that kinda catty, cuntly stuff. It's that pesky TRUST thing that makes friendships difficult to maintain for untrustworthy people.

Trust is the one thing in this world that can't be repaired once you break it.

If I received the same call tonight, I would do the same thing again. I also have no doubt in my mind that if I were stranded on the road and I called THEM, they would come and get me. Those guys are MY FRIENDS, and they would be there if I needed them. I haven't played that card many times in my life, but when I DID, my friends were there when I asked for help.

I suffer a lot of physical pain now, but I can cope with that. Hell, a human being can become comfortable with HANGING if he dangles from the rope long enough. But there's one thing that hurts worse than any physical pain you'll EVER experience in life.

That's BETRAYAL. When you trust someone and they betray that trust, it creates a wound that takes a long time to heal, if it ever does heal at all.

Jennifer did that to me, and I'm still reeling from it. Somebody else just did it, too, but I really didn't expect anything different from her. If you put your trust in a despicable person, you're just asking for trouble. I shoulda known better.

But I LOVE the soap opera brewing now. It's VERY interesting to see the people who defend what she did. I damn sure don't want THOSE assholes as "friends," because they are about as trustworthy and reliable as a screaming Global Warming freaktoid.

If I catch THEIR drift, it pretty much says, "You SHOULD fuck your friends!!! Especially if it's ROB!!! We never liked him anyway! There ARE no secrets in this world and YOU are the victim here because Acidman is pissed off!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!! Any sane, logical person woulda done the same thing that YOU did, given the chance!!! Don't be ashamed of being a big-mouthed, lunatic shitass!!! Be PROUD of it!!! He had it coming to him!!!"

As I said before, "with friends like that, I don't need enemies."

And anybody who applauds a vicious, vindictive bitch for being a vicious, vindictive bitch is NOT someone I want for a friend anyway. Y'all have fun together. Birds of a feather, and all of that.

Just be careful about "sharing" any secrets with people who have a trust-quotient below that of a rabid racoon. They'll BITE you, and it'll make you feel VERY STUPID when that happens. You'll kick yourself, because you shoulda recognized a Charles Manson personality when you saw it.

Oh, I SAW it... but I didn't heed my own good sense. I told her things I never should have said to a person so unstable and so fucked-up in the head. She is absolutely correct when she says that it's ALL MY FAULT!!! It is. I trusted someone who didn't deserve it. I ignored all of my good instincts and tried to be nice to a very un-nice person. But I'm gonna try my best NEVER to make that same mistake again.

Ask me again why I just want to be left ALONE. When I'm by myself, I KNOW who I can trust.

Bejus knows that I can't say the same thing when other people get involved in my life. I don't know about YOU, but I don't like it when people stick knives in my back. And I ESPECIALLY don't like it when other people cheer the stabber.

Y'all have some really screwed up values. Don't have many FRIENDS, either, do ya?

Comments

WHAT is with all of the CAPS in your POSTS recently? It is HARD on my EYES, to say the LEAST!!

Posted by: Surfie on June 1, 2006 06:23 PM

Right on, Rob.

I think a lot of people are put off by these type of posts, but it's only because your being brutally honest, and it seems that our society puts more emphasis on being "polite" than honest. More's the pity.

If you ever make that 2 AM call to me, I hope that I'll meet the challenge.

Posted by: Delftsman3 on June 1, 2006 07:24 PM

2.5 people in my life qualify as Friends who'd do the 2am thing for me. I'd qualify as a Friend to probably 4 times as many.

The Friends I have are more reliable than my kin by a few orders of magnitude.

Posted by: Aaron's cc: on June 1, 2006 07:29 PM

If my husband got a call from a friend who needed help, I'd be getting dressed and gathering things like food or coffee and heading out the door with him.

But then, we'd be doing that for anyone, friend, neighbor, aquaintance.

We have stopped to help many strangers on the road. Sometimes they need directions, sometimes they need someone to call for help.

Be well sir.

Posted by: Nancy on June 1, 2006 08:01 PM

"When I'm by myself, I KNOW who I can trust. "

Damn straight.

Posted by: BabsRN on June 1, 2006 08:08 PM

We used to call them Tijuana friends, here in Northern California. You know, the guys who would drag their sleepy butts outa bed, drive for 10 hours to get you bailed out of jail in Tijuana.

It didn't matter that neither they nor I didn't go to Tijuana, or that none of us were adventurous enough to wind up arrested. It was that we knew that we would if needed to do so - for a friend.

Everyone else is just a casual friend or an acquaintance.

A friend is a promise - that is kept - period.

Rob

Posted by: Rob on June 1, 2006 08:30 PM

um, is it wrong to just say i'm glad it's you and not me?

i've been screwed over by enough true blue friends to be careful with that title. but, the blown eyes have always been an intrusive bunch.

you're right about trust. when it's gone, it's gone for good. but then again, it's just a blog. who cares?

"cheer the stabber" --awesome, that should be a full blown blodge meet event at this point. big knives and all that.

Posted by: shoe on June 1, 2006 08:49 PM

I, to, know how it feels to have an Alcoholic ASSHOLE betray me to another asshole online....YOU know who YOU are don't YOU jb? And I'm sure you aren't reading this either are YOU? -- mightier than thou, pompous, self-absorbed drunk ass-rantingandraving-- everynightonline--trolling--Unpatriotic-- Womanizing ASSHOLE????? Yeah?? thought so...

Don't waste our time with an effort to redeem yourself...it is quite apparent by your previous behavior towards Rob and others what you are really all about....B-O-R-I-N-G!!!! Sign UP for Willingway ---maybe you can find some smitten woman to foot the bill for you???

Posted by: Just a Gal on June 1, 2006 08:59 PM

Hang in there, Rob. Lots of folks are pullin' for you....

Posted by: Richmond on June 1, 2006 09:06 PM

Rob, I imagine you've seen the movie Tombstone, right? Remember the scene between Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday when Wyatt is wondering why Doc is helping him and going through all the sh*t of getting shot at and riding all over Hell's creation? Doc says "You're my friend", Wyatt replies "Hell Doc, I've got lots of friends". Doc's superb response? "I don't". 'Nuff said.

Posted by: G on June 1, 2006 09:41 PM

Don't worry about it, what goes around, comes around.

Friend #1 had a password protected blog. Friend #2 got around the password protection to spy and see what people were saying about her. Of course it was bad, and of course she was upset.

Friend #2 has the gall to call up Friend #1 and complain. When told that what she did was sneaky and underhanded, Friend #2 defends her actions by telling Friend #1, "you're a fool if you think ANYTHING is private on the internet!"

This week, Friend #2 is forced to shut down HER blog when someone she works with finds it, and reads the unflattering comments there.

Friend #2 needs to take her own advice.

Posted by: Bitchmama on June 1, 2006 10:41 PM

I have a brother and sister-n-law that are recovering addicts... Notice I said RECOVERING... Anyone who knows anything about addiction knows that you are always going to be recovering.. They have been clean and sober for 11 years now but it doesn't mean that they won't always be recovering... Hang in there Rob, start the program over again.. Go to a meeting... Did you do your 90 in 90 days??? Start again... That is all you can do... Call your sponsor... You are always welcome at a meeting if you really want to be there...

Good luck...

And oh yeah...

Livey.. .Go fuck a goat.... That was a really rotten thing to do ... You can justify it however you want to but it is what it is... A shitty thing to do... And if you really cared you would never have done it... Period... To me that is like *outing* someone who is gay, it ain't your place to make that decision and it wasn't your place to blab what was told to you in confidence... Really shitty...

Posted by: ElizabethOf TheSouth on June 1, 2006 10:43 PM

I'm not a regular commentor but I just have to say this. That woman is batshit crazy.
I knew that the first time I read her blog. Within 5 min. Its all about her stressing about how its not all about her.
And she is one perverted female.
I am just suprised that you couldn't see that.
Of course I'm a woman and can spot a crazy, phony slut a mile away.

Posted by: Jane on June 1, 2006 10:45 PM

Yeah Rob, friends like that are few and far between today. Most of the people I would call a good friend are dead now. I still have a couple left that would do anything for me and I would do anything for them. Very few people now days know what that's all about. Believe me I know what it is all about to tell someone you thought you could trust something in confidence only to have them spread the news like wildfire behind my back. I thank my higher power that I had the strength not to lash out and break her trust like she broke mine. I just threw her ass out and divorced her. Her way of life got her the prime spot in life of being in her mid fifties now and being a homeless bag lady in Denver. It doesn't make me feel better that she is in the shape she is in today but it damn sure proves a point. What goes around comes back around and it's usually pretty bad when it comes back.

On another thought, if you are drinking again, don't be thinking that it is the end and you can't stay sober. Try not to drink for one day and go to a meeting. The people there will be brutally honest with you but they will also reach out and help you if you are trying to help yourself. It took me over 5 years and several white chips before I finally was able to get honest with myself and stay sober. Keep trying bud. If I can do it anybody can. They don't get any lower than I got before I finally sobered up. Good luck. I'll talk to my higher power for you tonight.

My last thought for tonight. All traitors should be dragged off, hung naked by the big toes, get the old cat o' nine tails for a few hours and then be shot and left to die slow.

Posted by: assrot on June 1, 2006 11:15 PM

I've got a friend I've known for about 45 years. His daddy told me something I'll never forget not long before he died.
" You can have lots of 'aquaintances' , but if you ever feel like you need more than one hand to count your REAL friends, you're kidding yourself". I've thought on that long and hard, and I can't say he was wrong. I've tested that out a few times, but I've never needed all the fingers on one hand yet.

One of my favorite expressions: "Friends will help you move, but REAL friends will help you move the bodies"

I'm pulling for you.

Posted by: Groverat on June 1, 2006 11:53 PM

*Popping up from Lurkdom* Livey had an agenda which you failed to follow, so I don't think she was ever your friend. Friends don't do what she did, plain and simple. Clue to Livey: SPITE has no part in a well lived life. And Rob, you're right. If we have even one or two true friends to travel the path with, then we're truly blessed. Sounds like you're a fortunate man - and a good friend.

Posted by: Amy on June 2, 2006 12:05 AM

I haven't met you or HER.

From the beginning it was obvious SHE has serious issues. SHE has nerve talking about your drinking, when SHE sounds like a whacked out pill popping bitch.

Your blog is interesting and you write well.

HER blog is all about ME, ME, ME, ME, besides she has the dirtiest mouth for a woman.

Posted by: no name on June 2, 2006 10:35 AM

"When I'm alone I know who I can trust"

Sometimes not even then. I do stuid shit to myself sometimes.

Posted by: Graumagus on June 2, 2006 12:09 PM

Rob, Your'e OK!

Not that you needed anybody saying that to you.

You knew it.

If you ever take a long road trip out west, talk about here first. We might could find a fish to chase somewhere.

ciao

Posted by: TC on June 2, 2006 02:15 PM

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June 01, 2006

friends