Gut Rumbles

December 16, 2009

One full day

Originally published June 15, 2004

Man--- you sure can blow a big hole in a $100 bill here in Key West. I don't have a damn thing to show for my adventures yesterday except for a Yankee Jack CD, some very pleasant memories and a slight headache.

Great lines I heard: I was in The Bull listening to Yankee Jack when a group of seniors from a cruise ship came into the bar. They were a wild bunch and they started sucking down 2-for-1 margaritas like ice water. Before long, they were rowdy and loud, which fit the atmosphere perfectly. Jack asked, "Who's been married the longest?"

One guy stood up and said, "I've been married for 47 years." Jack observed that the guy's wife didn't appear old enough to be married for 47 years. "I didn't say I was married to HER for 47 years," the guy replied. "It took me FOUR marriages to rack up that score."

Jack also accused one of the wimmen of having storebought titties. Her husband stood up and said, "Damn right they are! Those are the best titties money can buy. I KNOW, because I paid for them."

Yankee Jack is a damn good entertainer, musician and songwriter. He has five CDs out now, which he markets aggressively from his perch on the stage. He sold several to the crowd from the cruise ship, and I bought his latest release. It features songs such as "Botox Bimbo" and "Manatee Woman." Jack is NOT a politically correct songwriter. (A personal favorite of mine is "She's Never Hugged a Parrot, But She's Kissed a Cockatoo.")

I'm staying at a place called "The Pegasus Hotel," on the corner of Duval and Southard streets. It's about as close to the middle of Key West as you can get, and I can turn right or left when I walk out the door and find plenty to do.

And I'm about to go find a Bloody Mary.

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