Gut Rumbles

October 13, 2009


Originally published August 19, 2004

I know what the judge is going to ask me when I go to court next week. "Mr. Smith, have you looked for a new job since you 'retired' last October?" HIS attitude is that I should pay a ridiculous amount of money to my ex-wife and I should go out and EARN that money for her to steal.

I'm gonna tell him the truth: "No, sir, your Honor, I have not. And I don't intend to, either. I know that you're a guy in a long, black robe with a gavel in his hand, and you probably don't do math any better than I do. I was an English major. I don't do math.

"But I know the basics. When I took that lump-sum retirement, it threw me into the 36% income-tax bracket, plus another 6% for my beloved state of Georgia. Add 7.5% in payroll taxes, and if your original ruling stands, another 17% right off the top to my bloodless cunt of an ex-wife. That's about 60% of anything else I earn this year going to jackals who didn't work for it. If I take a job making $20 an hour, I LOSE MONEY. I WORK FOR LESS THAN MINIMUM WAGE!!! SOMEBODY ELSE GETS THAT MONEY!!!"

If that dumbfuck can't understand that, he's got no business sitting behind that bench in his long, flowing robe. I thought we outlawed slavery in this country a long time ago. Now the law WANTS ME to be a slave.

The law can want in one hand and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.

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