September 22, 2008
ways to make me not like you
Originally PUBLISHED February 22, 2005
* Diss boiled peanuts.
* Tell me that guns are evil.
* Worry about "Global Warming."
* Tell me that I'm a racist but Jesse Jackson is not.
* Listen to rap music.
* Quote Maureen Dowd at me.
* Wear a stud or an earrring in your nose.
* Wear sandals with black socks.
* Refuse to eat collard greens.
* Drink "Lite" beer.
* Go into a nice steak restaurant and order chicken.
* Insist on making love with the lights off.
* Get all your news from CNN.
* Wax nostalgic for the wonderful days of the Clinton presidency.
* Use the term "assault rifle" when you don't know what you're talking about.
* Refuse to eat grits.
* Call Southerners "Red-Necks" while praising the virtues of living in New Jersey.
* Brake for animals unless the animal is larger than your vehicle.
* Praise the Endangered Species Act.
* Say that I'm not a true Southerner because I like Manhatten-style conch chowder when the alternative is New England style.
* Tell me that Jimmy Carter is a great man.
* Put up with a sassy-mouth from your child.
* Tell me that Southern iced tea is too sweet.
* Call SUVs tools of the devil.
I'm really not that difficult to get along with, but certain things just piss me off.
All content © Rob Smith