Gut Rumbles

July 05, 2008


Originally published April 30, 2005

It's like the old joke. Ltttle Johnny talks Little Sally into a "You show me yours and I'll show you mine" contest. Johnny drops his pants and waves his Roscoe proudly. "What do you think of THAT?" he asks.

Sally says, "Not much," as she drops her own pants. "Mama told he that with one of THESE, I can get all of THOSE that I want."

It's the truth, too. Wimmen know it and they play the pussy-card all the time to get their way. I've heard numerous wimmen say it before, including Jennifer one night at the Chart House Restaurant. "I can have any man in this place if I want him."

Is that pussy-power or what? A semi-good looking woman knows that she has it, too. I saw MANY a woman cruise the bars on River Street without a dime in her pocket back in my guitar-playing days. (I gave a lot of them a ride downtown.) She expected MEN to buy her drinks and it usually worked out that way.

"The fair sex," my ass.

Conniving, hormone-riddled, greedy, heartless, cruel and insane, I'll believe. But "FAIR?" That word never enters into a woman's mind. She's got a pussy and that makes the world her bearded clam. If the damn thing had teeth a lot more men would be walking around with Bobbit-wounds instead of paying divorce lawyers and watching another man live in his house.

Do I sound bitter? Good! I AM bitter.

Wimmen ain't right in the head. I'm sorry, but that's a fact. Wimmen hallucinate regularly, which is what makes them such good detectives. Don't tell me you've never heard this: "I heard what you said, but that's not what you MEANT!" See? SHE knows what you meant, even if you simply said, "Good morning."

What you REALLY meant was my ass is fat, you don't love me anymore, you think I'm a shitty person and I'm going out to get some reassurance from my female friends, who will take my side and understand my telepathic prowess, and then encourage me to go to a bar and exercise my pussy power.

If my insurance will cover it, I'm going to have my bionics removed. It ain't half the dick I once had anyway, and all it's ever done in my life is get me in trouble. I am ready to become monkish.

Pussy ain't that big a deal to me anymore. It damn sure ain't worth the price you pay for it. Especially the "free" stuff.

I'll write about marriage vows next.

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