Gut Rumbles

June 13, 2008

Fire ants

Originally PUBLISHED April 13, 2005

I left these little bastards off my list of pesteriferous things we deal with every day Down South. I shouldn't have done that, because they are worse than sand gnats, mosquitoes and chiggers combined.

They are small, red ants but they have the temper of a PMSing woman and the sting of a wasp. You never get bitten by ONE fire ant. The sumbitches come boiling out of the mound by the thousands and cover you up. They raise a white-head blister everywhere they bite and several people die every year in Georgia after being attacked by those things.

I remember when Quinton was about two years old, and he was playing with a ball in the back yard while I sat on the porch and read a book. All of a sudden, he started screaming. I ran to check on him and found him standing RIGHT ON TOP of a fire ant mound. Those vicious killers were tearing his little ass up and he didn't know what was happening.

I grabbed him and ran to the water hose, dusting ants off all the way, where I was able to wash him down and get those fucking things offa him. But they had done their damage.

He must have had 100 bites on his legs and he ran a fever for two days. He looked as if someone had burned him with a lit cigarette all over his legs for two weeks after that. Fire ants are nasty bastards.

I've been waging war on them ever since that day. I've probably killed a billion of them, but they just keep coming back. You can run them from one place to another, but you'll never get rid of them. They are hardy as well as vicious.

I've tried everything anybody at Webb's Seed and Feed ever told me to use, and all I've ever managed to do is run the bastards out of my yard into my neighbor's yard. He took the same advice and ran them right back into MY yard. It's an unending cycle.

Fire ants are the most disgusting creatures I know of on this planet.

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