Gut Rumbles

June 10, 2008

A confession

Originally published November 5, 2003

Do you remember that cop I talked about in Oliver, Georgia? The one lurking with the radar gun behind the gas station? Well, he caught Recondo 32 on our way TO Blood Mountain.

I had about two fingers left in a bottle of vodka when I was packed and ready to go, and I worried that it might spoil while I was gone. So, I drank it with a Mountain Dew before I drove to South Carolina. I had a pretty good buzz when I got to Recondo's house. "Why don't you drive," I suggested, as I tossed him my keys. "I had a nip this morning."

"Yeah. THAT surprises me," he said. He took the keys and off we went.

I've been to Key West several times with Recondo, and I've never known him to have a wreck. But he DOES NOT pay attention to speed limit signs the way he should. He likes to look at YOU when he talks instead of looking at the road. He was holding court about something pontifical as we shot through the crossroads at Oliver going 57 miles per hour in that fucked-up 35 MPH speed zone. Officer Opie roared out from behind the gas station in hot pursuit and pulled us over.

The speeding ticket was well-deserved, but we ALSO got one for having an expired license sticker on my rear plate. I looked, and sure enough, Officer Opie was correct. My sticker expired in February of 2003. I KNEW that I paid the taxes and affixed the yellow sticker to my plate back in February, but it wasn't there right then. Officer Opie was polite about the matter and said that we had a month to take care of the legal business, so we continued on our trip.

Today, I dug out my registration, the cancelled check for the taxes and I rode down to the tag office. Sure enough, I am legitimate. But I now have to go the the Effingham County Sheriff's Office, file a "Missing or Lost Tag" piece of paperwork, get a receipt, then go BACK to the tag office and pay $8.00 for my missing sticker. THEN, I have to drive all the way to Oliver to get the charge against me dropped.

I went to a Huddle House in Springfield to eat breakfast. Rain started to fall while I was there. I thought, "What the fuck? I've got a month to get this job done." So, I drove back home with all the paperwork in hand. I watched CNN and Fox News. I took off my pants to let Roscoe breathe and blogged an entry or two. At noon, I opened a bottle of wine I bought in Dahlonega.

I may go see the sheriff tomorrow. Or I may not.

Being a man of leasure has its advantages.

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