Gut Rumbles

June 03, 2008

bun warmer

Originally PUBLISHED May 11, 2005

Okay... I figured out how that thing operates in mama's car. The switch is located on the bottom left side of the seat, right where the handle for adjusting the seat is. I must have bumped it with my knee by accident this morning when I was getting into the car and kicked that sumbitch on "HIGH." I don't want to do that again.

A little heat on the bootie is a good thing when the old bootie is cold. I may enjoy that feature several months from now. But NOT in the weather of southeast Georgia this time of year. You guys know what I'm talking about. You ladies may not.

The drive from my house to Springfield is only 14 miles. But by the time I had completed that round-trip with the bun warmer on HIGH, I almost stepped on my own nutsack when I got out of the car. A man's testicles are a lot like a woman's "read between the lines" gland. They think by themselves.

Specialized organs have minds of their own and testicles like to maintain a certain temperature. When it's cold, they'll draw up tighter than Dick's hatband to stay warm. Get them too hot, and they run away from the body. Mine were almost dragging the ground when I got back home today.

At least I figured out how to turn the sumbitch off. My testicles thank me for that.

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