Gut Rumbles

May 14, 2008

like the moon in the trees

Originally PUBLISHED May 25, 2006

Did you ever lay semi-asleep in the woods when the fire was burning low and your camping buddies were all snoring? Did you ever look up at the sky and watch the clouds perform mime-routines in the light of the moon? Did you ever close your eyes and listen to the "quiet" of the forest?
Could you "hear" the moon in the trees?
Did you ever see a DOZEN of those hairless salamanders in the North Carolina mountains--- up there where those prehistoric and skinless LIZARDS make a noise like a stameding herd of wild hogs when they run like lemmings into your CAMPFIRE AT NIGHT???? When the fucking MOON is in the trees?
When you didn't have to POKE them into the flames with your fire-stick as you screamed like a girl, and while your drunken buddies just kept snoring and left you to fend for yourself?? When those ick! ick! ick! things ran right across your farking LEG, and you pissed a stain in your pants, and the damn things KEPT RUNNING right into the fire? Where they curled up and resembled burnt popcorn?
Huh? Remember how stoned you were? And how you dragged a burnt lizard on a stick out of the fire, studied it for a moment, SNIFFED IT and ATE IT???? Just to see what it TASTED LIKE??? To see if you COULD??
'Cause there was like.... nobody else around to see you do it and you NEVER told anybody about it... so it was almost like it never happened? And it tasted okay!!! And you thought right then that if you ever got really hungry in the woods, you could eat one of them sumbitches RAW.
Naw, I never did, either.
But a gray silver-headed old man once told me that a lot of campers are missing out on the delicious taste of Burnt Wild, Prophalytic-Looking, Skinless, Bug-Eyed, Running, Leaping, Lemming-Lizard, Nasty Bastards on a STICK, because they've never tried one.
(Wanna know what inspired this post? I'm cooking a hamburger, at damn near 2:00 in the morning, and it smells GOOD. That'll be the first solid food I've had for a while, if I can handle it. I figure that I've either slept, puked or wandered a mental twilight zone for about 62 of the last 72 hours. NOW I'm hungry!!!)
I SHALL RISE--- like the moon in the trees. Might even burn my lizard.

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