Gut Rumbles

May 25, 2006

like the moon in the trees

Did you ever lay semi-asleep in the woods when the fire was burning low and your camping buddies were all snoring? Did you ever look up at the sky and watch the clouds perform mime-routines in the light of the moon? Did you ever close your eyes and listen to the "quiet" of the forest?

Could you "hear" the moon in the trees?

Did you ever see a DOZEN of those hairless salamanders in the North Carolina mountains--- up there where those prehistoric and skinless LIZARDS make a noise like a stameding herd of wild hogs when they run like lemmings into your CAMPFIRE AT NIGHT???? When the fucking MOON is in the trees?

When you didn't have to POKE them into the flames with your fire-stick as you screamed like a girl, and while your drunken buddies just kept snoring and left you to fend for yourself?? When those ick! ick! ick! things ran right across your farking LEG, and you pissed a stain in your pants, and the damn things KEPT RUNNING right into the fire? Where they curled up and resembled burnt popcorn?

Huh? Remember how stoned you were? And how you dragged a burnt lizard on a stick out of the fire, studied it for a moment, SNIFFED IT and ATE IT???? Just to see what it TASTED LIKE??? To see if you COULD??

'Cause there was like.... nobody else around to see you do it and you NEVER told anybody about it... so it was almost like it never happened? And it tasted okay!!! And you thought right then that if you ever got really hungry in the woods, you could eat one of them sumbitches RAW.

Naw, I never did, either.

But a gray silver-headed old man once told me that a lot of campers are missing out on the delicious taste of Burnt Wild, Prophalytic-Looking, Skinless, Bug-Eyed, Running, Leaping, Lemming-Lizard, Nasty Bastards on a STICK, because they've never tried one.

(Wanna know what inspired this post? I'm cooking a hamburger, at damn near 2:00 in the morning, and it smells GOOD. That'll be the first soild food I've had for a while, if I can handle it. I figure that I've either slept, puked or wandered a mental twilight zone for about 62 of the last 72 hours. NOW I'm hungry!!!)

I SHALL RISE--- like the moon in the trees. Might even burn my lizard.


I hope it tastes good and goes down your gullet and STAYS...well...until the appropriate time to leave. ;-)

When I was working earlier tonight, I was reading your post about people calling you while you are sick. I work in a hospital and it never ceases to amaze me how many people will call a patient who is incredibly ill. I know it has to be hard for the patients to even reach over to get the phone let alone have a conversation. If the patient does not answer the phone, then the caller automatically assumes the worst because they didn't answer the phone right away. Uh...maybe they wanted some rest?

Anyway, hope you will feel better soon, Rob.

Posted by: Cindi on May 25, 2006 02:25 AM

Go right ahead and burn that lizard. Toast 'im up real good, if'n you like.

But if we catch you whipping that lizard, there'll be hell to pay.

Posted by: Elisson on May 25, 2006 07:10 AM

You keep fighting, ya cranky ol' bastid. I'll keep up with the positive thoughts for you. There's gotta be a solution and I hope you find it soon. Take care, sugar.

Posted by: LL on May 25, 2006 07:11 AM

... drain the lizard before cooking it... I read that somewhere once.... you're supposed to drain it first....

Posted by: Eric on May 25, 2006 07:11 AM




Posted by: Stevie on May 25, 2006 07:25 AM

Well no. I never...

Posted by: Freddie on May 25, 2006 10:20 AM

Probably be good with hot sauce and catsup and a dill pickle.

Posted by: GUYK on May 25, 2006 12:07 PM

You can't prove that I HAVE done that can you?

Posted by: Ironnerd on May 25, 2006 01:23 PM

I don't ever remember being THAT stoned... I'm glad you're on the mend and looking for meat, though!

Posted by: Lisa on May 25, 2006 01:41 PM

Did the burger stay down or upchuck?

Posted by: Scrapiron on May 25, 2006 07:13 PM

great writing, like lizard-fire poetry.

Posted by: joe on May 25, 2006 08:53 PM

Jim Morrison lives....

Posted by: Stevie on May 26, 2006 01:41 AM

I seem to recall some of my dive buddies having some sort of drunken/stoned 'macho' pissing contest involving trying to get a snake (king) and a lizard (big) to fight to the death around the campfire late one night. The lizard ended up getting crispycrittered but none of them had the cojones to taste it once it had given it's life for their foolishness. Seriously one of those times when I realized, as a chick (albeit always of the tom-boy, 'get along better with the guys than with the gals' variety ) that just possibly men and women really ARE from different planets!

Posted by: Marianne on May 26, 2006 03:45 AM

mmmm. Lizard. Mmmm.

Posted by: og on May 26, 2006 11:16 AM
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