Gut Rumbles

March 31, 2008

I'd kill the guy

Originally published August 1, 2003

If I could hunt down and kill one person on the face of this earth, it wouldn't be Saddam Hussein. We'll get his ass, sooner or later, and I want the soldiers who have been sweating in the desert to enjoy that privilege.

No, I would kill the person who invented the term "street-wise." That bastard deserves a slow and horrible death. He took two simple words, fused them together and justified the behavior of every black piece of shit on every street in America today.

You no longer had a dumbfuck thug who was an illiterate dickwit, condemned to prison, crack-addiction or the life of a janitor because the fucker never bothered to learn to read. No, you had a "street-wise" person. He was COOL, with his hat turned around sideways, his baggy pants and his jive-talk. In fact, he was a HERO in a lot of movies. See, "street-wise" was the kind of person you really needed around when you wanted cheap dope, diseased whores and dirty heroin needles.

Wait a minute. That's not how it was at all. The "street-wise" kid wasn't the one stealing bicycles, drinking Colt 45 and pimping when he was 15. He was SMARTER THAN THE EDUCATED GUYS!!!! That's what "street-wise" was all about. How many goddam "street-wise" characters did you see in movies during the 80's? That smart-mouthed thug kid without a fucking clue in the world was damn near a REQUIREMENT back in those days.

I'll tell you what "street-wise" really is. It's the mentality that keeps your ass on the street, in the ghetto and eventually in jail or dead. It's the mindset that makes you a thug instead of an achiever. It's the shit that you smear yourself with to camouflage the stench of your own ignorance and failure. It's what puts you on Channel 4 news at eleven. It's what makes too many young black men die in the gutter.

"Street-wise," my ass. You want "street wise?" Try goddam WALL STREET!!! That's where the real money is, you dumb fucks!!! But that would mean going to school, learning to read and write and acting white. Nope, no future in that for a "street-wise" kid.

Thank Bejus that I am not raising a "street-wise" son. He's just smart, well-behaved and well-educated. He's probably a very uncool white boy. "Street-wise" kids laugh at him.

From their fucking jail cells.

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