Gut Rumbles

March 16, 2008

Bore blogging

Originally published April 2, 2003

* I have broken my nose, my left hand and my left elbow. All three hurt like hell but the hand hurt the worst.

* I have saved three people from drowning. One of them almost drowned me.

* I have written over 100 songs. Most of them suck, but I heard that one of my songs is being played in Seattle, Washington now. I think that's cool.

* I once had a Fu-Manchu moustache and hair halfway down my back. I refereed little league football games at the time.

* I had a dog named "Wiggles" that could put a whole Krystal hamburger in his mouth, chew it, swallow the burger and spit out the pickle every time.

* I bought my dog a $10 sofa from the Goodwill Store. He wasn't allowed to get on MY couch, but nobody was allowed to get on HIS couch, either. He liked that couch.

* I lost my virginity when I was 16 years old, on Valentine's Day. I was really surprised that I didn't feel like a totally different person after that.

* My favorite sport is football. When I played, I was a maniac. Now I just act like a maniac when I watch the game on television. I still have dreams about playing that game.

* I once was a very good golfer. I broke 80 almost every time I played, and I played two or three times every week. But I haven't touched a club in almost two years now, except for walking through my house with a five-iron last night.

* I've known the One True Love of my life. She shit all over me.

* I like kids, but I prefer little boys over little girls. I understand what makes little boys tick. I'll NEVER understand women.

* I buy guitars just because I like them. I own seven. I usually play only three of them on a regular basis, and the others just stay in their cases. I'll buy more, eventually. They may stay in THEIR cases, too. I just like guitars.

* The happiest day of my life was not as good as the saddest day of my life was bad. I am an emotional guy. I really should be taking Xanax.

* I once topped out the speedometer on a 1990 Eagle Talon on Interstate 16 on the way back from the Atlanta airport. I hit 140 miles an hour. It was like flying.

* I never smoked a cigarette until I was 20 years old. I smoked marijuana when I was 18.

* I've been to jail once. I didn't like it.

* I've had two women in my bed at the same time. I DID like that.

* I have voted in every election since I was old enough to vote.

* I have five really good friends. I once had six, but Steve died. I am a lucky man.

* Did I mention that I was bored?

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