Gut Rumbles

March 13, 2008

Simple pleasures

Originally published April 21, 2003

There are some things that really SMELL GOOD in life...

* I like the smell of fresh-cut grass. There's something very earthy about that aroma and I like it a lot. It also makes me think about golf courses.

* I like the smell of gasoline. That explains my loss of brain cells over the years.

* I like the smell of burnt gunpowder. It is crisp, acrid and stinging in my nose. I don't just like it... I LOVE IT!!!

* I like the smell of a new car. But I saw something the other day that was just plain WRONG. I saw a blonde woman in a mustang convertable with a HANDICAPPED license plate on the back. Explain that to me. No handicapped asshole has any business driving a mustang convertable. He has no business letting a blonde woman drive his car, either. I hope his handicapped dick falls off, the shitbird. I'll bet that the blonde smelled good.

* I like the smell of peanuts boiling in a big pot on my kitchen stove. It smells like home ought to smell.

* I like the smell of a sweaty woman. Okay! Okay! I KNOW that I'm a pervert! But women smell musky when they sweat and I like that scent. It reminds me of shady places in the mountains. I get all horny just thinking about a sweaty woman. My face can be her bicycle seat. Just hop on and pedal your ass off.

* I like the smell of a Wild Cherry scented candle while I drink wine with a pretty woman and I hope to persuade her right out of her britches, drawers and all. I didn't succeed last night, but I may tonight. I can be very persuasive.

* I like the smell of low tide in the Savannah marshes. Some people don't like that armoa, but I DO. It smells like raw oysters and fiddler crabs. It is a rich, fecund smell that makes me think of sweaty women.

* I like the smell of pigment, too. If the organic level is correct, it smells just like fresh-cooked biscuits. It'll make you fart dust, but it smells good.

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