Gut Rumbles

February 18, 2008

How to keep deer out of the garden

Originally published December 28, 2003

In response to this blogger I'm going to repeat something that I believe I wrote about before, but I'm too lazy to check the archives and find the post. The first time the deer raided my garden, I was pissed. They broke all my melons, ate the guts out of them, chewed up my cucumbers and devastated my tomatoes. They stomped all over everything else.

I was ready to buy an electric fence until I talked to an old farmer down the road. He told me to build a couple of scarecrows, stick them in my garden and piss on them every day. Deer do not like the smell of human urine. If they get a whiff of it, they'll stay away.

I built two scarecrows. I stuffed a couple of old tee-shirts with hay and used a couple of pairs of blue jeans to make them. I hung them both on T-bars that I made from scrap lumber, and they looked pretty good to me. Quinton helped me do the work, and when we had the scarecrows posted, I told him, "There's one more thing we have to do to get it right."

"What's that Daddy?"

"We have to go pee on both of them to keep the deer away."

You know what I really like about boys? You tell them to go pee on something and they LIKE doing that. We peed all over both scarecrows, just me and my son, with wangers in the wind. That was a good day.

I had to move the scarecrows about once every week, but they damn sure worked to keep the deer away. Quinton told all of his friends about peeing on the scarecrows, and I can remember many a time that I saw six boys break up a game in the back yard, run to my garden and pee on my scarecrows.

They liked doing it, and it kept the deer out of the garden.

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