Gut Rumbles

February 12, 2008

Things I was thinking

Originally published June 29, 2003

Why do people say, "I'm going to take a shit" when they intend to leave one?

Why are farts funny?

Why does it feel good to scratch my balls?

Why does it feel good to scratch my balls while it feels even BETTER to have a woman play with them?

I feel sorry for wimmen. They can't piss standing up in the woods. Well, some CAN, but most don't.

Why do some turds float while others sink?

Why does a cat bury its shit outside then piss on a potted plant indoors?

Why are there cats? I hate them.

Why are there monkeys? I hate them, too.

What is the meaning of my life? Am I merely a meat-eating, carbon unit who is an ugly bag of mostly water? Hell, that can't be right. I ain't ugly.

Why do bloggers take blogging seriously? 95% of meat-eating carbon units who are ugly bags of mostly water never heard of a blog. My urologist flies his own airplane and HE never heard of a blog until I told him about mine.

Why do we sleep at night and stay active during the day? It can't be completely natural because bats don't do that.

What makes you love somebody when you don't love everybody?

What is so goddam special about "diversity?"

It's all a mystery to me

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