Gut Rumbles

December 11, 2007


Originally published September 17, 2004

I don't care if you ARE madly in love. Don't call me at 2:00 in the morning to tell me about it. Don't tell me how wonderful the woman is and how happy she makes you. I don't want to hear that shit.

I ESPECIALLY don't want to hear it from a guy who said the exact same things about a different woman two years ago, right before he married her and she took him to the cleaners in the subsequent divorce. I know that when you fall off the horse, you're supposed to get back on, but you also should remember "once burnt, twice learnt."

The world is wonderful. You've never been so happy in your life. The woman is your true soul mate. The two of you take long walks together and play a game of kissing at every mailbox you pass. It's also TWO O'CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING, dammit! Take your happy ass to bed and let me go back to sleep.

I don't want to hear that shit.

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