August 10, 2007

Meetings (and people screwin' with the a/c) make me sick

Originally published April 10, 2002

I believe Acidman may be getting sick.

No, I don't mean SICK IN THE HEAD, because if you read this blog, you know that I crossed that threshold a long time ago. I think I am coming down with some sort of medical malady, such as the flu, the grunge or the effects of an alien space-pod that burrowed in behind my neck to take over my central nervous system and control my body. I feel poorly.

It all started during a THREE HOUR MEETING at work today. The drone quotient was running near maximum and I was having trouble staying awake, when all of a sudden, IT HIT ME. My spine, right between my shoulder blades, started to ache like a rotten tooth, and I realized that I was running a fever. I began to chill and shake right there in my seat, and I developed an incredible case of the cotton-mouth. I told myself, "Self, this is not good," but I hung in there like grim death until the meeting finally concluded. Then, I staggered back to my office to find frost on my breath when I walked through the door. I checked the air conditioner and, sure enough, whatever crazed Eskimo terrorist I have working for me had struck again, turning the thermostat down to 20 degrees. I saw about half my crew having lunch in the break room.

Remember how Charleton Heston appeared in THE TEN COMMANDMENTS when he came down from the mountain after talking to the burning bush? Kinda wild-haired, feverish, red-faced and crazed? Well, I looked A LOT LIKE THAT when I entered the breakroom and announced in no uncertain terms that if I EVER SAW ANYBODY turn the office air conditioner down to 20 degrees, I PERSONALLY would give them three days off to go home and do the same thing to their household air conditioners to their Eskimo heart's content. Without pay. And if you bunch of sorry layabouts don't like the 70-degree climate control in the office, GET OUT IN THE PLANT AND CHECK YOUR FRIGGIN' JOBS! I bowed up like a cat at a dogfight and beamed laser-eyed hostility at everyone in the room. The silence was golden.

When I left, they probably looked at each other and asked, "Jesus! What got into him?"

I don't usually behave that way. I'm a pretty firm but fair boss, and I believe that most of the operators and supervisors like to work for me. I don't blow my top very often (although I have DONE IT ON PURPOSE when I thought the situation called for it. Being a good supervisor involves some method acting sometimes). I just didn't like having fever and chills, sitting through a three-hour meeting and returning to my office to discover that some idiot had set the thermostat at 20 degrees. I was pissed and I wanted to make an effective statement. The fever helped the presentation, but I was serious in what I said. If I find the asshole who puts the air conditioner on 20 degrees, I'll generate the necessary paperwork to eventually run him off. He can get a job at McDonald's and stay in the god-damned walk-in freezer all day, if that's what his personal thermostat requires. But he won't do it on MY WATCH, in MY AREA, in MY PLANT. Not on MY air conditioner.

Jesus! The nerve of some people!