Gut Rumbles

August 10, 2007


Originally published April 9, 2002

1) A dog makes a better friend than any woman I've ever known. A dog is loyal and loves you no matter what you do. It's always happy to see you come home. And it does what you want it to do most of the time.

2) A good guitar is a better friend than a dog. It won't eventually up and die on you, and break your heart. And it never shits on the floor, no matter how long you're gone.

3) A good friend is somebody who knows all your faults better than anyone else and still likes you anyway.

4) Kids are a joy to be around because they believe in magic. They love ghost stories and stupid card tricks. Life will beat that innocence out of them eventually, but it's fun while it lasts.

5) If you don't know what the "'zacklys" are, you never came over to my house to play guitar and passed out on the floor to spend the night. You wake up in the morning feeling 'zackly like a herd of buffalo walked across your tongue while you were asleep. That's the "'zacklys."

6) God had no logical reason to create fire ants or sand gnats.

7) No matter how old I grow or how much crap life throws my way, I still feel 23 years old in my mind.

8) I just saw a picture of Julia Roberts in her Academy Award outfit. She has an incredibly large mouth and ugly feet.

9) A broken toe HURTS LIKE HELL and there's nothing you can do about it.

10) I consider myself to be an honest man, but I sometimes stretch the truth. Why would anybody ever trust a politician?

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