Gut Rumbles

June 23, 2007

The dreaded "wet fart"

Originally published April 5, 2005

I've warned you before that this man is a pervert, but he discusses an interesting topic on this post. I think it's all a sign of old age.

When I was young, I could rip some good farts that were as loud as summer thunder and sometimes carried a stench with magnificent hang-time. I could clear out a tent in the woods and make five other boys run for fresh air. Those were the good old days.

Now, I try to sneak a fart--- you know, just kinda ease it out--- because I don't know what might be in there. My asshole is not nearly as reliable today as it once was. What FEELS like a fart today may be something else, and that can be embarrassing in mixed company. The wet stuff is bad enough, but when you encounter the dreaded "lumpy-fart," you know that you have fucked up and you're probably going to have to ditch another pair of underwear.

That's just one more example of why life is not fair. As you grow older, you expect your mind to go South on you. But you oughta be able to trust your asshole forever. But that ain't so.

I trust my mind more than I do my asshole anymore. My mind has never shit my pants.

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