Gut Rumbles

June 15, 2007

A rant

Originally published December 16, 2004

I'll apologize beforehand. I've met the woman and I like her. We sang "Please Come To Boston" together and harmonized, before she got drunk on moonshine and started runnin' nekkid up and down the creek in Helen, Georgia. That started a stampede and I was embarrassed by all those ugly blogger asses shining in the moonlight....

...but I digress, again...

If this is a chili recipe I'LL run nekkid down that creek in Helen on the coldest day you can find in January. WHITE BEANS???!!!??? Ohmygod!! CHICKEN???!!!???

I gotta go fire a gun off my back porch and just HOPE that I hit something. The world ain't right tonight.

Darlin,' that's the most yankeefied chili recipe that I ever read. In MY humble opinion, you should be dragged off and shot, NOT for making a shitty meal, because I believe that it probably tastes pretty good, but for CALLING it "chili."

*Real chili has no beans in it.

*Real chili is so spicy that it will melt your spoon.

*You can eat real chili with a fork. The fork will melt, too.

* Real chili has BEEF, not chicken in it.

* A bowl of cold chili should still make you sweat. A bowl of cold chili should TASTE GOOD, too.

* You experience real chili twice--- and if you don't know what I mean, you never ate any real chili.

Sorry, Mamma, but you need to try some REAL chili. You think that moonshine was something? I'll have you dancing nekkid on my ROOF if after a couple of bowls of my MY all-day, big-pot concotion.

I make some bad-ass chili.

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