Gut Rumbles

March 25, 2007

Just thinking

Originally published November 24, 2004

Im supposed to go see Fernanda in two hours. Im not sure I want to go. When I met her last night, I thought she was about 30 years old. She is very beautiful, with skin the color of a fresh-picked pecan and one of the brightest smiles Ive ever seen. Her eyes are wide, limpid and very attractive. Yes, she is a goddess.

But shes ALSO 20 years old. My goddam DAUGHTER is older, and once I learned how young Fernanda was, I really felt like a cradle-robber. That fact didnt stop me or her from doing the dirty dance last night, but I felt bad about it today. Im not kidding. I did.

I told her that I was an old goat. She said (as nearly as I could translate--- Fernanda speaks no English---), "You are not old. You are ALIVE!" I think she also said that I have a light in my eyes that shines like moonbeams on a rusty hubcap on a wrecked car in the summer night, and my smile should be dragged off and shot for crimes against humanity. My Spanish isnt that good, but I think thats what she said. Something about me attracted her. Hell, she liked the way I sang "Hotel California."

Ill probably be there. Ill do that even if its just to say goodbye. I owe her that respect.

I walked the streets of La Fortuna today and found myself down some scruffy alley around lunchtime. I could smell something good cooking, so I followed my nose and wound up at a little cafe/bar that the locals really seem to like. All the construction workers and bus drivers showed up there to eat.

I had something called "Sailors Rice," as near as I could translate from the menu. I believe that they make that stuff in an industrial-sized cement mixer out back and put it on plates with a snow-shovel. They almost needed a fork lift to bring me my meal. That plate was LOADED with rice, shrimp, fish, chicken, beef, sausage and assorted vegetables. I ate until I thought I would bust and the plate STILL looked loaded when I was finished. Muy Grande.

Why arent Costa Ricans fat from eating such food?

Costa Rica has more pretty wimmen per square inch than anyplace else Ive ever been. Maybe they arent all 10s, but the 9 and 1/2s are EVERYWHERE. My face gets tired from gawking at them.

I also see no reason to ever get in a hurry or become pissed off here. According to Rick and Georgia, Im that way because I am a "yuppie" and I like my life scheduled. I dont understand the REAL Costa Rican experience of clusterfuckdom, fightdom and fitdom in a rental car that resembles a kids purple high-topped basketball shoe, but with worse suspension. Bwhahaha!!! Whatever. Theyd rather scream at each other while lost in a rental car going bat-out-of-hell to nowhere, speaking not a word of Spanish nor making any attempt to learn, stressing, yelling and making those obnoxious tooth-sucking sounds that they like so much than be a "yuppie" like me. Fine.

I dont think Im going back home on time. Im supposed to be at the San Jose airport on Sunday, but I dont believe that I will make that flight. Im gonna hang around for another week or so, maybe longer. I enjoy "La Pura Vida" and my yuppie ass likes using the bus or a taxi to get where I want to go. As long as its all "scheduled," dont you know.

I believe that Ill see Fernanda tonight-- I just dont know for how long or what for. I believe that Ill be in Jaco tomorrow. I also believe that I will have a good time no matter what I decide to do.

I really like it here.

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