Gut Rumbles

November 24, 2004

just thinking

Im supposed to go see Fernanda in two hours. Im not sure I want to go. When I met her last night, I thought she was about 30 years old. She is very beautiful, with skin the color of a fresh-picked pecan and one of the brightest smiles Ive ever seen. Her eyes are wide, limpid and very attractive. Yes, she is a goddess.

But shes ALSO 20 years old. My goddam DAUGHTER is older, and once I learned how young Fernanda was, I really felt like a cradle-robber. That fact didnt stop me or her from doing the dirty dance last night, but I felt bad about it today. Im not kidding. I did.

I told her that I was an old goat. She said (as nearly as I could translate--- Fernanda speaks no English---), "You are not old. You are ALIVE!" I think she also said that I have a light in my eyes that shines like moonbeams on a rusty hubcap on a wrecked car in the summer night, and my smile should be dragged off and shot for crimes against humanity. My Spanish isnt that good, but I think thats what she said. Something about me attracted her. Hell, she liked the way I sang "Hotel California."

Ill probably be there. Ill do that even if its just to say goodbye. I owe her that respect.

I walked the streets of La Fortuna today and found myself down some scruffy alley around lunchtime. I could smell something good cooking, so I followed my nose and wound up at a little cafe/bar that the locals really seem to like. All the construction workers and bus drivers showed up there to eat.

I had something called "Sailors Rice," as near as I could translate from the menu. I believe that they make that stuff in an industrial-sized cement mixer out back and put it on plates with a snow-shovel. They almost needed a fork lift to bring me my meal. That plate was LOADED with rice, shrimp, fish, chicken, beef, sausage and assorted vegetables. I ate until I thought I would bust and the plate STILL looked loaded when I was finished. Muy Grande.

Why arent Costa Ricans fat from eating such food?

Costa Rica has more pretty wimmen per square inch than anyplace else Ive ever been. Maybe they arent all 10s, but the 9 and 1/2s are EVERYWHERE. My face gets tired from gawking at them.

I also see no reason to ever get in a hurry or become pissed off here. According to Rick and Georgia, Im that way because I am a "yuppie" and I like my life scheduled. I dont understand the REAL Costa Rican experience of clusterfuckdom, fightdom and fitdom in a rental car that resembles a kids purple high-topped basketball shoe, but with worse suspension. Bwhahaha!!! Whatever. Theyd rather scream at each other while lost in a rental car going bat-out-of-hell to nowhere, speaking not a word of Spanish nor making any attempt to learn, stressing, yelling and making those obnoxious tooth-sucking sounds that they like so much than be a "yuppie" like me. Fine.

I dont think Im going back home on time. Im supposed to be at the San Jose airport on Sunday, but I dont believe that I will make that flight. Im gonna hang around for another week or so, maybe longer. I enjoy "La Pura Vida" and my yuppie ass likes using the bus or a taxi to get where I want to go. As long as its all "scheduled," dont you know.

I believe that Ill see Fernanda tonight-- I just dont know for how long or what for. I believe that Ill be in Jaco tomorrow. I also believe that I will have a good time no matter what I decide to do.

I really like it here.


You're a good man Acidman and don't feel too bad about the light in your eyes that shines like moonbeams on a rusty hubcap on a wrecked car in the summer night, and that your smile should be dragged off and shot for crimes against humanity. Its just who you are man.

Posted by: Sgt Hook on November 24, 2004 11:38 PM

The best places to eat in the world are where the bluecollars gather. This has never failed me in finding good food at good prices.

Posted by: ErikZ on November 25, 2004 03:05 AM

Don't be an idiot!

She is old enough to know what she likes and what she doesn't.

Live while you can still enjoy life.

Posted by: pdwalker on November 25, 2004 06:52 AM

Give Fernanda a kiss from all of us up norte and don't feel anything but joy.

Posted by: Ivan Ivanovich on November 25, 2004 08:42 AM

It's Thanksgiving, Rob. Just be thankful you still have that light in your eyes that attracted that young lady. She knows what she likes. Enjoy yourself! You deserve it.

Posted by: Robert on November 25, 2004 10:21 AM

Blah Blah Blah...... Did ya bang her?

Posted by: madman on November 25, 2004 10:50 AM

Bang that girl man! I said bang her and that's an order! 20 is the perfect age and you may never have the chance again. You go man!

Posted by: Brent on November 25, 2004 11:19 AM

I've GOT to get down to Costa Rica....!

Posted by: Mike on November 25, 2004 11:25 AM

Wow. I think I like it in Costa Rica, too.


Posted by: Christina on November 25, 2004 11:29 AM

13, man. Age of consent.

Posted by: Velociman on November 25, 2004 11:38 AM

20 is old enough just this time. You only live once. (or at least that's my reasoning...)

Posted by: likwidshoe on November 25, 2004 12:11 PM

I never got that formula where you subtract her age from your own to come up with the numerical measure of how wrong it was. Isn't absolute age what really counts? Like a 50 year old humped a 40 year old, that wouldn't be twice as bad as a 20 year old humping a 15 year old, would it? Of course, under my system, two 13 year olds that do each other should both be fed into a giant meat grinder.

Posted by: Dave Munger on November 25, 2004 11:40 PM

If you don't have a daughter of any age, then it's okay to bang a 20 yo?

Go figure.

If she's old enough, what does it matter your age?

Posted by: Desert Cat on November 26, 2004 12:34 AM

It's not like you have a good reputation to lose man :)

Tap that!

Posted by: Graumagus on November 26, 2004 11:46 AM

Here's a question for y'all, if it were a 40ish woman and a 20ish guy, would y'all be so forgiving?
*braces for the double standard*

Posted by: Kat on November 29, 2004 12:50 PM


Sounds like a pretty good match of desire levels at those ages. What double standard? Ever heard the term 'MILF'?

Posted by: Desert Cat on December 1, 2004 01:20 AM

"MILF"? nope. I guess that is one of those newfangled terms that I'm too old to have heard. All I know is that men have gotten the wink and nod when they go out with women half their age, but if I were to pull a Demi Moore...Well, now! Watch the eyebrows climb to the ceiling, shall we? Never mind that I don't look my age, owing to the fact that I've been gifted genetically and I take care of myself so that I look about ten years younger than I am.
I live in a college town, I have considered it, have even been hit on by some tasty young things, only to have the "You wouldn't really do that?" look shot at me from ten different directions. Maybe it is simple jealousy that makes the naysayers do it, I dunno, but from where I sit, men get a pass, women get a backhand.

Posted by: Kat on December 1, 2004 06:59 PM

to KAT: "MILF" is an acronym that stands for "Mom I'd Like to Fuck"

Never mind that I don't look my age, owing to the fact that I've been gifted genetically and I take care of myself so that I look about ten years younger than I am.

You might be a MILF....

Posted by: likwidshoe on February 3, 2005 09:30 PM
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