Gut Rumbles

December 30, 2006

Have you seen my car keys?

Originally published August 1, 2005

I lose things all the time. I misplace my car keys about once every week, I'm missing TWO sets of reading glasses that the Crackerbox appears to have stolen and pawned, and I've been known to run my wallet through the washing machine because I forgot which pair of pants I left it in.

In fact, I've even lost my teeth before, although I believe that I would have noticed had I inhaled them.

No kidding--- I was fitted with a four-front-upper-teeth bridge for a while that was a "flipper," meaning that it slipped in and out and wasn't attached to any other teeth. (I lost those teeth playing football in 1968.) The thing got uncomfortable to wear after a while, so I often took it out and laid it down somewhere just to let my mouth rest.

Jennifer never liked it when I took my teeth out, especially after the second or third time she helped me hunt for them. "Rob, keep your teeth IN, dammit! You look like a red-neck geezer without them. If that wasn't bad enough, you LOSE them all the time, too"

That was the truth, although I didn't think I looked like a geezer without them. Most people never even noticed. But I DID lose those elusive fuckers several times.

I'll admit... it is kind of embarrassing to walk through the house and ask, "Anybody seen my teeth?"

I have them locked in my mouth until the rest of my teeth fall out now. VERY EXPENSIVE permanent bridge. If you can even SEE my teeth when I smile, which most people can't because of my moustache and the way I smile, you're looking at the price of a new pickup truck, plus several expensive firearms. Modern dental technology does not come cheap.

But I never have to worry about asking, "Where are my teeth?" anymore. Still... I think I would REMEMBER inhaling my "flipper." I damn sure would remember inhaling an entire set of dentures.

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