Gut Rumbles
 

August 01, 2005

have you see my car keys?

I lose things all the time. I misplace my car keys about once every week, I'm missing TWO sets of reading glasses that the Crackerbox appears to have stolen and pawned, and I've been known to run my wallet through the washing machine because I forgot which pair of pants I left it in.

In fact, I've even lost my teeth before, although I believe that I would have noticed had I inhaled them.

No kidding--- I was fitted with a four-front-upper-teeth bridge for a while that was a "flipper," meaning that it slipped in and out and wasn't attached to any other teeth. (I lost those teeth playing football in 1968.) The thing got uncomfortable to wear after a while, so I often took it out and laid it down somewhere just to let my mouth rest.

Jennifer never liked it when I took my teeth out, especially after the second or third time she helped me hunt for them. "Rob, keep your teeth IN, dammit! You look like a red-neck geezer without them. If that wasn't bad enough, you LOSE them all the time, too"

That was the truth, although I didn't think I looked like a geezer without them. Most people never even noticed. But I DID lose those elusive fuckers several times.

I'll admit... it is kind of embarrassing to walk through the house and ask, "Anybody seen my teeth?"

I have them locked in my mouth until the rest of my teeth fall out now. VERY EXPENSIVE permanent bridge. If you can even SEE my teeth when I smile, which most people can't because of my moustache and the way I smile, you're looking at the price of a new pickup truck, plus several expensive firearms. Modern dental technology does not come cheap.

But I never have to worry about asking, "Where are my teeth?" anymore. Still... I think I would REMEMBER inhaling my "flipper." I damn sure would remember inhaling an entire set of dentures.

Comments

My motherinlaw (whom I never met, she died before I met the wife) was apparently famous for barfing her teeth down outhouses, and then having to beg family members to go dig for them. talk about stories you probably shouldn't tell.

Posted by: og on August 1, 2005 03:56 PM

Ok, that's just funny. I have lost my teeth before too. It sucks...it sucks to lose your glasses AND your teeth together, too.

Posted by: Kelly on August 1, 2005 04:04 PM

I've managed to throw away my house/car keys. They went out with the weekly trash too.

Posted by: Maeve on August 1, 2005 04:10 PM

Ok. Since y'all don't know me from, well, Eve anyway... I don't lose my teeth (though I do have nightmares about that) but I HAVE forgotten them on at least 2 occasions. I had all my teeth pulled at 21 due to major problems with weak enamel which runs in the family (best thing I ever did). The last time I forgot them we had gotten all the way to daycare in the morning when I realized I was tonguing gums. We went back home and got them and when we returned and I told the ladies why we were late (elderly women working in the infant room at the time), they were ROLLING! I guess they thought it was really funny that a 30 year old forgot to put her teeth in. They both admitted that they'd NEVER taken their teeth out except to clean them because they never wanted their husbands to see them without them. Well, my husband has to suffer seeing it at night because they make my mouth sore and your mouth tastes like crap if you keep them in all night. He DOES appreciate his toothless woman though, if you know what I mean...

Posted by: Jane on August 1, 2005 04:56 PM

Jane,
I'm there with the enamel thing. It sucks. Can't wait to have them all pulled. I look like a freak..and people are so mean. I am so glad that you got yours done early. I'm glad you got a dentist that understood.

Posted by: Kelly on August 1, 2005 05:19 PM

Robby baby....mailing you 3 things tomorrow.....

I hope you can look at them at smile....

Dont get too excited.....its not that big a deal..

Its just a thank you for the bumper stickers.....

Give it a few days....to get from CT to GA.....

Ruthie :)

Posted by: Ruth on August 1, 2005 05:34 PM

Oh Kelly. I'm so sorry... :( I kept a bottle of rum on the frig' for years just to swish around on my teeth to numb that pain, and I used Lee (porcelain) Nails to fill in holes until I could get them fixed. I went right to the denture-making people, and they sent me to the surgeon who pulled all of them. I also chalked it up to a "living expense" while I was in college (far as I was concerned I couldn't function normally until I got them taken care of) and had them include it in my education loans, which are now paid off.

Posted by: Jane on August 1, 2005 05:34 PM

Yeah. I can remember if I have taken my pills but I can remember some trivial shit from fifty years ago. Never lost my teeth-don't have any to lose. yet. Don't have many to chew with anymore either and keep hoping what I have left will last as long as I do.

Posted by: GUYK on August 1, 2005 06:16 PM

I got so tired of losing my keys that I found a little table to set just inside my front door with a bowl on it. As soon as I walk in the house, the keys go in the bowl. I've done pretty good since starting that; the only times I've misplaced the keys is when I would say to myself, "I'm just going to go in my room and grab such-and-such and then I'll put the keys away." And I'd end up putting them down somewhere and forgetting all about them.

I also made myself an extra set of just car keys and house key to keep in my purse for emergencies - and those have come in handy!

Posted by: Trish on August 1, 2005 06:52 PM

Lemme see, when I was a tot I'd lose my lunch money. When I was a teen I'd lose my retainer. In my 20's I could never find a pen. In my 30's I could never remember where I'd left my glasses. In my 40's I can never remember where I left mt reading glasses (or my keys).....

Good thing my balls are attatched.

Posted by: Richthofen on August 1, 2005 07:45 PM

I went to the dentist, spent 500 bucks for her to tell me it will cost 8400 bucks to fix my teeths... I think a real good fist fight would be better..... I am good at stirring shit up hold my own as well... Murry

Posted by: Murry on August 2, 2005 02:31 AM


Does anyone in Georgia still have their teeth? I seem to get a better and better picture everynight of the kind of toothless, hillbilly wonders this supposed "2 million visitor" blog seems to attract. And Acidbrain keeps on bragging about his football days like he is some kind of great athlete of yesteryear, so I am guessing he is cluelessly unaware that 99.99% of every fucking guy in the whole gotdam U.S. also played football in high school too. Big fucking deal already.

PJ

Posted by: PJ on August 2, 2005 03:38 AM

Damn, PJ! You must be having an off-day. Usually you can be a bigger asshole than you were in that comment. That one was pretty weak.

Posted by: Acidman on August 2, 2005 10:42 AM

My thought EXACTLY! I'm not from Georgia, and I could give two sh_ts about what PJ thinks about anything! I think PJ just has to meet his / her / its spittle quota for the day.

Posted by: Jane on August 2, 2005 11:14 AM

I was thinking that was a little weak, also. I've been insulted because of my teeth before..and that was weak.

I hate to wish evil on anyone..and I don't but if PJ ever comes down with a debilitating disease...I am gonna be sure and laugh loud and long at him for just a little while.

Posted by: Kelly on August 2, 2005 02:07 PM


"I hate to wish evil on anyone..and I don't but if PJ ever comes down with a debilitating disease...I am gonna be sure and laugh loud and long at him for just a little while."
-Kelly

I would expect nothing less from a Repulsivecan...whoops I mean Republican. Y'all supposedly have the market cornered on CHRISTIAN moral values, but you somehow have no problem laughing at dibilitating diseases. Don't forget to add sending poor young military enlistees to their deaths in Iraq without appropriate armor, cutting funding for the mentally ill, adding to the expenses of the lower income elderly by passing legislation that only helps the pharmaceutical companies, creating tax loopholes for rich oil companies, and cutting taxes for the rich at a time of war. That's right....you are one of the "compassionate conservatives". Gimme a fucking break ya low-life piece of wasted DNA. Get a gotdam life.

PJ

Posted by: PJ on August 3, 2005 03:53 AM

I accidently flushed my keys (with my ID card attached) down the john when I was in college; fell out of the back pocket of my jeans. They were missing for a couple weeks, while the plumbing in my dorm got slower, and slower, and slower. Until the morning the plumber came knocking on the door to my room, with the whole shit-covered mess on the end of a snake. He was not amused....

Posted by: marti on August 4, 2005 10:57 AM
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