Gut Rumbles

June 06, 2006

rude awakening

I slept good again last night. In fact, I dreamed sweet dreams and might have laid in the sack like a lightly-snoring corpse until sometime this afternoon, except for one small problem.

I awoke at 9:30 AM feeling the torture of the damned. I developed a CRAMP in my right FOOT and the thing hurt like hell. I started cussing and saying, "OY! OY! OY!" as I kicked off the covers and checked to see if I had a rusty knife stuck in my foot. Nope. No knife, but it WAS a bizarre sight to behold.

My delicate (but masculine) bare right foot was contorted with all seven five toes sticking out in odd directions, kinda like the way iron filings do when you pass a magnet over them. Still cussing and whimpering, "OY! OY!" I managed to grab my foot and start massaging and stretching it.

That was NOT a pretty sight, being that I'm an old, skinny Cracker who sleeps nekkid, and the term "monkey fucking a football" popped into my mind the way it does so often anymore when I observe my own behavior. But I got rid of the cramp, finally.

I think I know what caused it. That's what I get for eating a half-dozen home-grown tomatoes that I chilled in the refrigerator first, in spite of all the good-for-me advice that people gave me about NOT putting those tomatoes in the refrigerator. That'll learn ME to ignore good advice.

I ain't never gonna do THAT again!


HA! Salt on chilled tomatoes causes cramps! Those whiny bastards got you good! Fuck em'

Posted by: Peter on June 6, 2006 02:24 PM

...the term "monkey fucking a football" popped into my mind the way it does so often anymore when I observe my own behavior.

*slithers outta chair, laughing*

Posted by: Stevie on June 6, 2006 02:41 PM

Well I didn't eat any salted tomatoes, chilled or not and I got a godawful cramp in my left foot this morning at about 10:30. Thinking of the travel time between us, I think it's some kind of weird 666 gremlin.

Posted by: Libby on June 6, 2006 03:11 PM

I've read that foot and leg cramps can be caused by a vitamin B deficiency. If you keep getting cramps try taking a multi vitamin or a B supplement.

Posted by: DogsDontPurr on June 6, 2006 04:00 PM

Get rid of cramps during the day by pointing your toes hard and inducing a cramp and then standing on your toes to relieve them before they hurt to much, repeat often and sleep well.

Cramping Ass Oldster.

Posted by: KeesKennis on June 6, 2006 04:04 PM

"Oy! Oy!"???

Damn, Rob. You're starting to sound like a Yankee (or one of Elisson's peeps).

Posted by: Jim -PRS on June 6, 2006 04:23 PM

That's Gods punishment for talking bad shit
about California again.
(Post titled "Make Me Puke")

Posted by: Morey on June 6, 2006 06:01 PM

Time to add some potassium to your diet. I recommend the use of so-called "salt substitute" -- just be sure it's got potassium chloride. Then "salt" those maters and enjoy...

Posted by: wil on June 6, 2006 06:59 PM

Or eat some bananas.
They have lots of potassium, too.

Posted by: Stevie on June 6, 2006 07:47 PM

Calcium Rob,,,,,,,

Add a bunch of calcium to your diet, and even take some pills as well.

I know this one all too well.

Posted by: TC on June 6, 2006 11:23 PM

Hell, go to a vitamin store and get one of everything!

Posted by: MJH on June 7, 2006 11:57 AM
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