Gut Rumbles

April 04, 2006


I've gotta do my income taxes. That's a real bitch because my taxes are more complicated now than they were when I was working for a living and actually had an income. I haven't drawn a real paycheck in more than two years now. But I DID exercise some stock options and cash some mutual funds in 2005 and Uncle Sam demands his cut of THAT, which means that I need some obscure IRS forms to list my income from capital gains. Whoever invented the KISS Theory (Keep It Simple, Stupid) obviously didn't work for the IRS.

This shit gives me a headache. I am tempted to take this pile of paper to an H&R Block office and pay THEM to figure it all out. (I was an English Major. I don't do math.)

In my checkered past, I have skirted the law on many occasions and outright violated the law on others. But I've never deliberately cheated on my income taxes. My government frightens me too much. I don't want to get on a federal hit-list and find my Cracker ass rotting in jail like a common criminal because I didn't pay extortion money to the government my taxes.

I don't LIKE paying them, but I do pay. The alternative offers too many unpleasant possibilities...

That's another reason the immigrant protests pissed me off. The bastards want to suck up American gravy without bringing anything to the stew-pot but their hungry mouths. Fuck 'em. Let 'em start paying taxes out the wazoo the way most Americans do--- THEN they can bitch. In ENGLISH, of course.

Awww... I ain't gonna go there. I feel bad enough already without working up a bunch of unnecessary stomach acid over being treated like an endentured servant by my government. But seeing those latino shitheads waving Mexican flags and trashing the USA while I examine a stack of IRS paperwork to figure out how much I OWE for being here simply chaps my Cracker ass. Something about that picture just ain't right.

But my taxes had better be right. Otherwise, government may find me, lock me up and take everything I own. Turn me into nothing but a greasy spot on the tablecloth of life. That's real POWER, ladies and gentlemen, the kind that makes you quake in your boots.

They'll GET my money. It's just too bad that such a powerful entity can't pour piss out of a boot when it comes to protecting our borders.


The rules only apply to the ones who are trying to follow them. You could probably get away with paying no taxes all your life if you never filed anything. But once you file, your fucked they know about you. Of course the biggest bitch about tax time that I have is that half the people actually MAKE money on tax day. Nothing like paying no tax at all and then getting an EIC check for $3000. All because you just cant seem to care enough for your life to work or even make an effort to do anything but breathe and swipe your ebt card.

Posted by: doc on April 4, 2006 12:49 PM

A CPA can probably save you some money on the taxes. That stay in rehab is probably tax deductibe as well as a big portion of what you were out of pocket on this last hospital bill. CPAs ain't cheap but I don't trust Block and company to keep me out of trouble with the IRS

Posted by: GUYK on April 4, 2006 12:54 PM

Abolish the IRS ... vote for the FAIR TAX (see ) - "pay at the pump".

Posted by: Max Doubt on April 4, 2006 01:29 PM

If the taxes (employment) weren't so high people wouldn't have the need to hire the Mexicans and many would go home. I know alot of Mexicans, but I don't know any who intend to stay here after they make their "retirement".

Posted by: MJH on April 4, 2006 01:51 PM

Just download "regular" TurboTax off the Internet for about $40.
Includes a "free" state return.

Then, since it's your first year, answer ALL the questions. Then, pay the $15 plus tax to electronically file Fed and State. (each). And, have them put it in your refund or take it out tax due from your checking account. And, deduct all the cost in Schedule A.

The next year is a lot easier. It REMEMBERS everything, except the dollar amounts for you to fill in.

The hard part of taxes is gathering all the info. Once you've got that (which you have to do for your CPA) TurboTax is a snap.
Even for English majors.

I'd rather give a bit of my money to those hard-working serfs at TurboTax than to a CPA. And, never to H & R. And, TT helps minimize my "contributon" to the "govmints".

Posted by: Dan Pursel on April 4, 2006 02:13 PM

What Dan said!

I've been with Turbo Tax for 16 years now, and my taxes include mutual fund buys and sells, real estate ownership and purchase, private equity - you name it. I also take as many itemized deductions as possible like charity benefits in the form of tickets, clothing donations, car donations, &c.

The bottom line here is the software is intuitive and works. It doesn't mean it's always easy, and writing the check still sucks, but it the best way to ease the tax return process (I'm working on mine this week).

Good luck Rob.

Posted by: DC Carter on April 4, 2006 03:49 PM

My son-in-law used Turbotax for years but had to get an accountant last year. The CPA found a lot of stuff the Turbotax missed. It depends on how complicated the deductions are.

In any event, Guy is right about the medical deduction. That's a hard one to qualify for these days but I'd bet you do this year. If you know a good CPA it would probably be worth the money. The trick is to find a good one. There's a lot of incompetent ones out there as well. Under no circumstances should you go to H&R Block.

Posted by: Libby on April 4, 2006 04:50 PM

Just had our taxes done (last Sunday) by our CPA and I do recall that he asked us if we had any out-of-pocket medical expenses OVER $7000.00

So your stint in rehab very well could be a deduction....

Posted by: Ruth on April 4, 2006 06:21 PM

It's just too bad that such a powerful entity can't pour piss out of a boot when it comes to protecting our borders.

Yeah, and I doubt it'd help if you printed the instructions on the bottom...

Posted by: TeaFizz on April 4, 2006 06:30 PM

I've been with the same CPA for years. He knows how to legally save me money. I don't think I'll ever go anywhere else.

...and I've been in the computer game for a lot longer.

Posted by: marcl on April 4, 2006 10:14 PM

Leave the country over the 15th. File in August. Me? I'll be in Mexico. You know where. No charge.....Your welcome.

Posted by: Yur Lawyer on April 5, 2006 12:26 AM

If the government believes the law should not be enforced against illegal immigrants, when will it grant the citizens amnesty for breaking the heap of unnecessary legislation under which we groan?

Posted by: Brett on April 6, 2006 10:02 AM
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