Gut Rumbles

January 23, 2006

itchy ass

If I sit for very long in wet clothes, the cheeks of my ass start to itch. It's a very uncomfortable feeling because it's one of those itches that gets WORSE if you scratch it. And I TRY to, even though there is no polite way to scratch your ass in public without attracting some embarassing attention, such as a bratty kid pointing and yelling, "Look, mama! That man is scratching his BUTT!"

I could never do this. How can somebody deliberately gird up in WET UNDERWEAR under a BUSINESS SUIT? The mere thought of it makes the cheeks of my ass itch. I would go commando before I would do that. (Hell--- I go commando a lot of the time anyway.)

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I just have overly-sensitive ass cheeks. Maybe I'm a victim of Wet Ass Syndrome and deserve special consideration from the government and a "handicapped" parking sticker. Maybe I need to take a survey.

Does YOUR ass itch when you sit around in wet underwear?

(UPDATE: Judging by some of my comments, some of you people have never been caught in the rain, went swimming in cut-off jeans, or experienced the kind of sweat a Jawja summer will wring out of you. You must piss your pants while you lead a very sheltered life indoors if you think THAT'S the only way you can end up sitting in wet britches. And YES--- sitting in a wet bathing suit makes my ass itch, too.)


Yep. In fact I used to keep a couple of dry sets in my pickup when I was working out in the heat and when the sweat running down the crack of my ass finally filled it up and my underwear soaked it up I just changed into some dry ones. Mooned a few cows this way but avoided mooning the hired hands.

Posted by: GUYK on January 23, 2006 11:38 AM

Yes. The ass does itch if the underwear gets wet.

Which is why my big sweaty ass hates the summertime, which is like one big itchy-assed season, for me.

I don't need a sticker, but I wonder if Wet Ass Syndrome entitles me to ride around in the shopping go-cart thing at the grocery store.

Posted by: Tommy on January 23, 2006 11:40 AM

As a general rule, if I discover I'm sitting around in wet underwear, I figure I've got more immediate problems than a potentially itchy ass.

Posted by: McGehee on January 23, 2006 11:41 AM

Yep, wet undewear will get you the itchy ass syndrome which will lead to crotch rot.

Posted by: jamesoldguy on January 23, 2006 11:44 AM

I'm thinking this must be a man issue... can't say that I've ever experienced this myself.

Posted by: Danielle on January 23, 2006 12:48 PM

beyond the onset of the dreaded hemorroid, your ass would be itchy (and wet) ... why?

Posted by: erica on January 23, 2006 01:03 PM

guess it just depends on why your underwear is wet in the first place,,,,

Posted by: Michele on January 23, 2006 01:30 PM

The man washes his face with his underwear? I'm guessing he was either raised by chimps or this possibly was some sort of candid camera moment in hopes of getting the people around to him react.

Posted by: Ruth on January 23, 2006 01:37 PM

Know the feeling. Been a lifeguard for 10 years and wet bathing suits are the devil. Bastards are even worse if the wet has a little chlorine in it. As far as just having wet underwear from the heat, we call that "swamp ass" around here.

Posted by: PooterVanhenski on January 23, 2006 01:48 PM

It's a good thing he wasn't wearing a thong. The guy probably would have flossed his teeth.

Posted by: Cedubya on January 23, 2006 02:26 PM

The itching of the posterior area of the human body has never seemed to be a problem for me.

But I DID just spit my coffee all over the monitor - now my gut hurts from laughing so hard...

Great "first-post-of-the-morning" !

But I think I'm going to have a "no beverages" rule for your blog lest I ruin my laptop by spitting fluids on it! : )

Posted by: A Different Kim on January 23, 2006 03:02 PM

I accidently sat for a spell on a rag soaked in paint thinner. I didn't realize it until my ass started to itch.
Now that's a fukking raspberry only a liberal deserves.

Posted by: Dave S. on January 23, 2006 03:17 PM

"beyond the onset of the dreaded hemorroid, your ass would be itchy (and wet) ... why?"

Commonest method is sitting on something wet, like fer instance slipping on a log covered with wet moss and falling on said ass, soaking it thoroughly. Or wearing denim jeans while hiking, fishing or hunting. Wet foliage deposits water on jeans which soak the water up with diabolical efficiency and take from 0700 until 1330 to dry. Which is why I never, ever wear cotton breeches when engaged in any outdoor activity that holds the least prospect of gettin' wet. Wool doesn't do any of that stuff and can be had in myriad weaves and finishes. Cotton is referred to as "Death Cloth" here in The Other Washington.

Posted by: Gerry N. on January 23, 2006 03:26 PM

Wet ass in Georgia? Lord, I think I remember a country song bout that.

Course when things get really ripe there's only one solution:


Good stuff, people!

Posted by: Maggie on January 23, 2006 03:36 PM

Tommy I think Wet Ass Syndrome ENTITLES you to KEEP the shopping go cart thing at the grocery store...(after you have plunked your wet ass in it, that is)

Posted by: Ruth on January 23, 2006 03:58 PM

Depends on what it's wet with, really. I myself have never encountered an itching ass save the one time I sat in my bathing suit on the roof of my dad's Bronco, which was unfortunately made of fiberglass. That sucked.

Posted by: Cythen on January 23, 2006 05:48 PM

I never was any good at fishing because I get the goddam itchy but so bad.

Posted by: assrot on January 23, 2006 07:34 PM

I wouldn't keep wet underwear on unless my pants were wet too. That's what I don't get about the guy. You sit in wet underwear in a dry pair of pants and when you get up, wouldn't it soak through and make it look like you pissed your pants? I've have been stuck in wet jeans though. I don't recall itching, just being damp and uncomfortable.

Posted by: Libby on January 23, 2006 07:41 PM

Wet pants and/or underwear lead directly to a case of severe crotchital rot in this boy.

In fact, I use a hair dryer (referenced and seemingly mocked in separate story in link) to dry the ol' twig and berries after showering. A nice warm breeze followed by a liberal dusting of talcum powder keeps the boys happy, healthy and itch-free.

Posted by: rightisright on January 23, 2006 09:36 PM

Absolutely get ass itch in wet clothes.

I grew up in the country. Lots of creeks, ponds with frogs and turtles, fast rainstorms while riding bikes in the middle of vast farmland, etc.

Posted by: GORDON on January 23, 2006 10:02 PM

Maybe the guy using the dryer was suspected terrorist M'Balz Es Hari?

Posted by: Florida Bill on January 24, 2006 08:44 AM

hmmm then I would say change into dry clothes. :)

Posted by: Texas Lady on January 24, 2006 02:41 PM

Ya just never know what you're going to find over at Elisson's...I've come to recognize that fact...and embrace it - which I think makes me, to a degree, somewhat perverse!

Posted by: Lisa on January 24, 2006 07:08 PM

So maybe I'm the only female wiling to admit it, but yeah, wet underwear = a bad scene. I think I sweat more than most women, so I have definitely had 'swamp ass' (we call it that here, too). I really hate summertime here because it's so hot and humid that I sweat constantly and have to shower multiple times in a day to deal with it.

There are times when you can't change your clothes, though, such as when I waited tables in polyester work pants, which meant that any time I started to run my ass off and sweat, I would have to change and shower as soon as I got home.. otherwise itchiness and a rash would ensue.

Posted by: Alena on January 25, 2006 02:10 PM

If they had an olympic event in sweating, I could win a medal. I picked up some kind of rot in S E A. Had full 6 month course of meds for it 3 or 4 times, but it still comes and goes. Mostly gone lately, after only 35 years or so. The combo of sweat and rot gives me what y'all are describing as swamp ass, from what I can tell.

Posted by: Larry on January 25, 2006 10:26 PM

so I've been trying to figure out why my butt cheeks itch after sitting in class or on a hard surface after a while. especially when I'm wearing leggings..... and all you silly ass people helped me figure it out. you make "wet underwear" sound so wet and gross. What I have concluded is that anything not cotton, like a poly blend will make you sweat more, and for some reason if the sweat cant soak up and dry it will cause your butt to itch, usually if you are sitting on it. I switched to 95% cotton leggings and try to wear 100% cotton underwear, it helps. I would love to know why small amount of sweat+tight poly-blend material= itchy butt. As for those with wet britches, I don't know. but yes this itch is insane, its not a rash or anything like that its just an itch. it also doesn't have anything to do with cleanliness..... shower twice a day? what's wrong with you people? once a day is more than enough, if you shower that much you've got other problems, and one of the is probably really dry skin.

Posted by: jessica on January 10, 2010 04:47 PM

Im an outdoorsman, i go boating, fishing, hiking, climbing..... you name it. I can't stand my ass itching in a pair of wet britches. But what i can't stand more is whiny wanna know it all pricks badgering some dude that actually goes outside, and works hard probably. If your ass has never been wet you've never truly worked a day in your life.

Posted by: eric on March 30, 2016 06:00 PM
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