Gut Rumbles

September 13, 2005


I'm a good cook, but I've never been worth a damn at making pastries. Hell--- even my biscuits suck. I can make damn good cornbread, but that's about it. Me and flour just don't mix.

I bought a cherry pie yesterday and I have thououghly enjoyed munching on that thing. Whoever made that one knew what she was doing. It tastes like something Mama baked. SHE could cook anything and make it taste good.

I sometimes make pies, but I buy the frozen crusts and stuff them full of seafood. That makes a damn good meal. Here's how I do it:

Catch some shrimp or crab (even crawfish) and dice the meat up into small pieces. You can use all three at one time if you want to.

Sautee some celery, Vidalia onion and bell pepper in a pan until the onions are tender. Throw all of that stuff and your seafood into a bowl.

Crack in TWO raw eggs and mix the contents of the bowl into a nice goo. Add some black pepper, some Worchestershire Sauce, some cayanne pepper, a dash of salt and just a dab or two of Tabasco Sauce.

Then, mix some fine-shredded chedder cheese into the goo. Pour it all into a pre-baked pie crust, sprinkle some more cheese over the top, then mash up some Ritz crackers and cover the goo with those crumbs.

Pop it into the oven at 400 degrees and let it bake for thirty minutes. Serve with wine and a tossed green salad.

You can get laid making that dish.


Ooh, sounds yummy! I'm going to try that asap!

And you sure about the getting laid bit, or is that only a possibility?

Posted by: Misty on September 13, 2005 01:11 PM

You're probably over-kneading your dough. Everybody I've ever taught who had persistent problems with pie-crusts was over-kneading the dough.


Posted by: Lamont Cranston on September 13, 2005 01:26 PM

Uh! I **think** that you're describing a quiche...

But what the hell, just about any woman is astounded and im pressed that a man can cook something that doesn't involve a freezer and a microwave...


Posted by: mostly cajun on September 13, 2005 01:35 PM

Damn dude, that sound's good.

What you are basically making is a seafood quiche. I'm gonna try it myself this weekend.

BTW, the store bought crusts are 90% as good as the best home made (except everybody's mama's) and a LOT less trouble for single guy's to handle.

Posted by: Virgil on September 13, 2005 01:37 PM

Good crusts require butter and ice water, little handling. This recipe is a good one - I'll do it.

Posted by: Bonita on September 13, 2005 01:40 PM

re: "Me and flour just don't mix. "
HAHAHAHA...I don't know WHY I find that so freakin' funny.

Posted by: erica on September 13, 2005 02:49 PM

Got-DAM! The Acidic One posts a recipe!

That one's a Must-Try, although I need to be eatin' pie crusts like I need a second ass (and which I will end up with if I be eatin' pie crusts).

Posted by: Elisson on September 13, 2005 04:04 PM

Damn, I'm getting laid tomorrow. Don't need seafood for an excuse, any damn thing'll do. Sounds good though.

Posted by: Richard on September 13, 2005 05:32 PM

If I want pussy, I give out a few pills, a joint and a few drinks then I can get laid also.

Posted by: catfish on September 13, 2005 05:53 PM

I like catfish's recipe for getting laid better.

Posted by: gravdigr on September 13, 2005 06:06 PM

I wish I hadn't just read this. I'm hungry now!!!

Posted by: Dogsdontpurr on September 13, 2005 07:14 PM

Pies are to be used as weapons! Didn't you ever watch the 3 Stooges?

Posted by: Cappy on September 13, 2005 08:21 PM

Sounds delish minus the seafood...have to find some chicken or something if you want to win me over.... love fish, just not shellfish...

Posted by: Lisa on September 13, 2005 08:34 PM

My Momma and Gramma were both restaurant cooks and neither would use anything but lard in their pie crusts.

Gramma got hold of a twenty lb. can of real Southwest Washington Black bear lard one time and they talked about how good those pie crusts were for decades.

Can you imagine what a health inspector would do if he found wild animal lard in a restaurant kitchen now? His head would probably explode. I'd like to watch it.

Posted by: Gerry N. on September 13, 2005 08:46 PM

No half and half or topmilk or cream?? Wow. Sounds lovely.. but I'd love to put some rich milk products in on top.

Tell me about how much seafood. Like a pound or so? More? I can never tell how much I catch at the supermarket, you know... uh, until I read the label.

Posted by: kd on September 13, 2005 09:36 PM

Pies are one of my specialites. Nothing like a nice apple pie cooking in the oven.

Posted by: Maeve on September 13, 2005 11:09 PM

Ow. That just hurts.

I have always lived in places that were hundreds of miles from an ocean. I've only gotten cheap seafood at restaurants--blech--or, occasionally, great seafood at a one-of-a-kind restaurant. I can only purchase what I consider excellent shrimp at high-end retail and I don't bother; it costs too much to learn how to cook it.

If I ever go out your way will you take pity on me and fix me something good? All I can trade are Rocky Mountain Oysters ... I'll admit you win in the food department if you'll just make me something tasty.

Posted by: Susan on September 14, 2005 12:52 AM

you know, that pie works!

Posted by: stephanie on September 15, 2005 06:30 AM

It works :>

Could have been the wine though. Once you have been married for 17 years, any damn excuse will do, although that was the case 17 years ago as well.

Posted by: Richard on September 15, 2005 08:03 AM
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