Gut Rumbles
 

September 13, 2005

it bugged me

I know that insects are stupid critters than run more on instinct than brain, but I'll never understand one thing about them. When they have all of the great outdoors to prowl, why do they want to fly into my house every time I open the door?

Yesterday, I hauled all of my trash outside and threw it into my "Curb Caddy" trash can. I made the mistake of leaving my front door open while I performed that chore. I ended up with two houseflys, one wasp and a gang of some kind of gnat-like creatures, all of whom flew in while the door was open.

I eliminated the flies and the wasp with a weapon of mass destruction (a spray can of Raid) and dropped them dead, along with a few of the gnat-critters, as they were banging against the windows on my French Doors in the kitchen, frantically trying to get back OUTSIDE again.

Why the hell did they fly in to begin with?

But I didn't get all the gnats.

Several of them are still cruising around the Crackerbox and driving me crazy. They don't bite, but they must be in love with me. They like to buzz around my ears and try to crawl up my nose when I'm asleep. I damn nearly beat myself up last night trying to slap the bastards that landed on my face.

I gassed a few of them this morning, but I still haven't gotten them all. (Heh--- I accidentally had a great plan--- I ate some cantelope for breakfast, left a few uneaten pieces on my plate, and those gnats flocked to it like buzzards on road-kill. I pulled a Raid ambush on their asses and killed all but the smart ones.)

I still have a few buzzing around, and I'm keeping that can of Raid handy. I don't know what these aphid-looking fuckers are, but I don't like them. They are very quick and difficult to kill. That's another reason I don't believe in God.

Would a divine being create such an annoying creature? If so, why?

Comments

Whenever I get gnats or fruitflies in my house I just put a glass of red wine out in the room they've infested. In a few hours they'll all be floating in the wine, either dead or drunk. It really works.

Posted by: rivlax on September 13, 2005 11:59 AM

"Would a Divine Being create such an annoying creature? If so, why?"....

Well, someone has to spray the Raid. LOL.

Posted by: Bonita on September 13, 2005 12:22 PM

I reckon you could do like the ole redneck farmer and cut the seat out of your overalls to keep them ass sucking gnats away from your face.

Posted by: GUYK on September 13, 2005 12:57 PM

Had an awful gnat problem a few years ago - they were all over the house. Finally figured out they'd hatched from the [store-bought] potting soil I used. Now I use dirt from the yard and nuke it for about 15 minutes first to kill any eggs. Haven't had any more such infestations.

Posted by: Jane on September 13, 2005 02:20 PM

It's actually a matter of probability. There are lots of bugs outside the house and not all that many inside, so when they move around, the net flow into the house is positive.

Also, they may like the way you smell.

Posted by: Steve H. on September 13, 2005 02:30 PM

of course i'm no expert, but i'll try to answer that Divine Being query with an explanation that might corroborate with thiose of some good rabbis out there.
many observant jews believe that this life, no matter how good or bad it gets (i happen to love life, so i'm quite content), is just a waystation before we get to the world-to-come. annoying insects--especially G*d forsaken f*cking roaches, which i hate--might be like a reminder of the concept that life on this planet is not perfect and that we have to strive for betterness.
i enjoy it while i'm here, but i know that when i'm "there" i wont have to worry about fast-moving crunchy waterbugs that scare the bejus outta me in the middle of the night.

Posted by: erica on September 13, 2005 02:57 PM

Had the front door replaced last week. I live in South West Georgia., better know as Gnat Paradise. A Dragon Fly flew through the door way and wiped them out in just a few minutes.

Posted by: Don L on September 13, 2005 04:26 PM

Only you could write an entry about killing files and gnats in the house, make it interesting, and actually have people read and comment on it.

Posted by: Woody on September 13, 2005 04:47 PM

If you didn't walk around with your codsack swinging and your ass in the breeze, the goddam bugs wouldn't follow you around. If you sit around naked in your house, the bugs are going to come find what stinks. They are like dogs. The more something stinks, the more they love it.

Posted by: Assrot on September 13, 2005 06:18 PM

A little OT :

Why is it that some mosquitos , like to do laps around your ear. Usually when you are trying to sleep.

You have a few swipes at them and either end up with a sore ear , or missing entirely.

Only to have the damn bug come back a few minutes later.

Why is it that those sumbitches don't actually try to bite and appear content to just drive you insane ?

Posted by: efa on September 13, 2005 07:09 PM

Acidman wrote:

" still have a few buzzing around, and I'm keeping that can of Raid handy. I don't know what these aphid-looking fuckers are, but I don't like them. They are very quick and difficult to kill. That's another reason I don't believe in God.

Would a divine being create such an annoying creature? If so, why?"

Comments and questions like these are why I just love you, A-man...you can ditto me hardcore on all counts of that statement & question...

Posted by: Lisa on September 13, 2005 08:36 PM

"Would a divine being create such an annoying creature? If so, why?"I suspect a divine being would do so (if he/she/it had a sense of humor) to remind us that we ain't all that.It could have been worse... a plague of locusts perhaps. Or a mass visit by ex-inlaws.... or the gubmint showing up "to help"....

Posted by: Horrabin on September 13, 2005 11:33 PM

When I get to heaven...I'm gonna ask the Creator three things.
1. Why flies?
2. Why mosquitoes?
3. Why did You put the prostrate gland where you did?

Posted by: No Mo on September 15, 2005 12:51 AM

All above commenters don't know nuthin'. Your problem is that you live to the south of the Gnat Line, roughly the same as the Fall Line.

Posted by: Justthisguy on September 15, 2005 05:17 AM
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