Gut Rumbles
 

August 15, 2005

quote of the day

This is from one of my trolls who claims to be working on a PhD in history now:

"I admit I know nothing about the cotton tarrif. Give me a gun...."

Bejus! That's one "educated" person, isn't it? I'd be happy to hand her a gun if she'd shoot her ignorant self with it. But she'd probably miss. I don't trust people like Beth with guns.

You don't have to go to college or "work on a PhD" to learn history. Just read. It's all out there for you to absorb by yourself. Try these books:

1) The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire. Probably too long for Beth's short attention span, since she's so busy working on another degree now, but it proves my idea about human nature.

2) The Iron Mistress. That's historical fiction about Jim Bowie. Some ellaboration, but damned accurate over all.

3) Abraham Lincoln. I think William Safire wrote that book and I found it fascinating. It's WAAAY too thick for Beth to read.

4) The Blue and the Gray. Don't talk to me about the Civil war until you've read both volumes. Some of the best entries in those books were written by wimmen at home while their husbands were gone to war. Talk about steel magnolias...

5) The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. That's another one I'll bet "Beth" never read. It's too thick for her. That book is difficult to plow through, but it's worth the effort. It shows you how Hitler was able to do what he did.

6) <Inside the Third Reich. I've always thought Albert Speer was an interesting man. I think he was willing to do ANYTHING Hitler asked him to do during WWII, then he spent the rest of his life trying to revise his role in history. His Spandau Diaries are a perfect example of that fact. (Yes, Beth... I read those too.)

7) I by Jan Creamer. A damn entertaing book about a Dutch artist who scammed the entire world.

8) The Longest Day. Cornelius Ryan wrote that book and it is a very good account of the D-Day invasion of France. Beth probably saw the movie but never read the book. That's how you get a PhD in history TODAY.

9) Midway. Cornelius Ryan wrote that one, too, and it is excellent. Out-gunned and out-manned, the US Navy turned the tide of the war against the Japansese in that battle. Amazing stuff.

10) In Cold Blood. Yeah, I know Truman Capote wrote the book, but it's a good story about a couple of worthless criminals who committed a senseless crime and paid for it with their lives. I just wish more of those bastards suffered the same fate.

I could list a few more, because I am a prolific reader. I especially enjoy reading history. Just hand The Jim Thorpe Story to your son and see if HE doesn't like reading about one of the best natural athletes who ever lived.

Beth, when you get your Doctorate in History, get back in touch with me. You might be able to teach me something, and I'm always willing to learn.

BWHAHAHA! I don't believe that you've ever read a book in your life!

Comments

I can't fucking believe someone other than me has read I, Jan Cramer.

Can't fucking believe it.

Found it for a nickel at a yard sale when I was 18 and I never laughed so hard reading a book, ever.

Posted by: gordon the magnificent on August 15, 2005 04:35 PM

You're a vicious SOB today.

Posted by: Suz on August 15, 2005 04:57 PM

I cannot believe you have not banned that bitch yet.

Posted by: Bane on August 15, 2005 05:07 PM

I never said I was working on a Ph.D. in History you thug.

My degree, if I ever finish, will be in psychology.

My BA was in history. Maybe your reading comprehension skills are completely blown.

And, why should I provide you with a bilbiography, links and whatever. I have a family, a job and my studies to worry about.

Don't you wish you could say the same?

Posted by: Beth on August 15, 2005 05:10 PM

You might start with learning how to spell reich.

Posted by: Thelma on August 15, 2005 05:14 PM

"I know because I majored in history--before I got my MASTERS DEGREE !!!!!!!"

I thought that meant she got her masters in history too. She should have said what she got it in if it wasn't in the aforementioned history.

But wtf do I know? There's no letters after my name. I'm unedumacated.

Posted by: livey on August 15, 2005 05:18 PM

Beth screams of overeducation and underlearning. You can go to school forever but until you start investigating things yourself you'll just be a spoonfed intellectual.

This is a good list, I'd add "Quarrels that have shaped the Constitution", its a good overview of the SCOTUS decisions and their affect on the political climate.

And: "Slavery, Law and Politics: The Dred Scott case in historical perspective." Its a good overview of the politics of decision. Its a fascinating, but dry read.

Posted by: Alli on August 15, 2005 05:21 PM

You really are too foolish and silly a man for me to be spending my valuable time. But
here is a quick list, by no means complete or comprehensive, of history books I find on my office shelves.

Let me know when you've read them and I can recommend others.

Diary of Anne Frank
Charles Dickens—anything by
Don Quixote, Cervantes
War and Peace, Tolstoy
The Education of Henry Adams
Theodore Rex, Edmund Morris
The Things They Carried, Tom O'Brian
Ideological Origin of the American Revolution, B. Bailyn
We the People, Bruce Ackerman
Working Class, J. Freedman
A People's History of the United States, Howard Zinn
August 1914, Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Guns of August, Barbara Tuchman
Paris 1919, Margaret MacMillan

Posted by: Beth on August 15, 2005 05:53 PM

Beth, I have mostly cookbooks on my bookshelf, and I'm mostly a spoon-fed intellectual with a short attention span. We have a lot in common...I sense it.

Posted by: Bonita on August 15, 2005 06:26 PM

I don't read books, I get my edumacation here.

Posted by: livey on August 15, 2005 06:29 PM

Many of Beth's titles are fiction. Most of them are great fiction, but I shan't call them history.

Posted by: Brett on August 15, 2005 07:22 PM

The Zinn title counts as fiction, too.

Posted by: Brett on August 15, 2005 07:23 PM

The diary of Anne Frank was a breathtaking book. The rest of Beth's list is pure shit.

Yeah. I read those, too, darlin.'

Posted by: Acidman on August 15, 2005 07:37 PM

Bah. Coffee table books. Beth's night-stand has a fish-finger stained romance novel or two in it, I'd wager. She reads it with her Itty Bitty Booklight quiverin away, and spankin it to Yanni and whatever clever transvestite or blue haired old lady writes that shit.

"Oh hold me close, Pierre, I spend!"

On a bed with about four fat-ass cats, too.

Posted by: Bane on August 15, 2005 08:22 PM

acidman you are good now you got
beth wanting you and she is jealous
because you won't have anything to
do with her and she is like the rest
she will be back for more after she
de-links ( wink wink)
john

Posted by: JOHN on August 15, 2005 08:44 PM

Ah, fuck it...let's be totally ad hominem here...

Beth, you are a fucking cunt. Cunt, cunt cunt. You don't have a point to make, you just want to be a cunt.

You don't have a point...you just want to be a cunt. In that respect, you are succeeding in such an admirable manner that you should win some sort of award. Perhaps the "Puss du Jour" award.

But, you know what? Applying your moniker to the wonderful enjoyment that both men and women derive from a cunt is downright disgraceful. The intersection of pricks and cunts is a delightful pastime...something that's been going on since time immemorial.

So perhaps you should be thought of as a sand-filled cunt, i.e. a cunt that should be avoided at all costs.

Go away Beth...your cunt is not appreciated in these here parts.

Bitch.

Posted by: Hank on August 15, 2005 09:06 PM

Well, she can leave the cunt, but the rest of her has got to go.

Posted by: Bane on August 15, 2005 09:08 PM

Barbara Tuchman. Great author. I recommend "The proud Tower."

Beth, I thinkthat you should take those books off the "office shelves" and actually read them. On the shelves they may make you look educated, but if you actually read them you may, one day, become educated.

Posted by: Timothy on August 15, 2005 10:24 PM

"Fish stained finger"?
ROFLMAO, holy shit Bane!

Posted by: Maeve on August 15, 2005 11:17 PM

Beth, having a degree in history means dogsquat. What part of history did you study? A general study of history is bull. There's just so much out there. And now days much of it is politically driven and incorrect.
I've read some of the books Rob has listed and many he hasn't . You're trying to get a Master's in Psychology? That means nothing, except to give yourself a sense of superiority over others. Ever hear of moral equivalence? That's what psychology has basically devolved into. With heavy study toward the PC version of reality. By the time your'e done, you won't know what's real.

Posted by: RayH on August 15, 2005 11:19 PM

She could learn how to spell "tariff" also....

Posted by: Trish on August 15, 2005 11:44 PM

All the books by Shaara(father and kids) are excellent. They do a really good job of getting into the minds of the people involved. They come across as they were: real people with real flaws who accomplished amazing things.

Posted by: Mark on August 15, 2005 11:51 PM

It appears that fish-finger didn't deign to rejoinder our little fish fry.

Posted by: Hank on August 16, 2005 01:29 AM

"You really are too foolish and silly a man for me to be spending my valuable time."

So of course, you go right ahead and waste it here, day after day after day.

You have to be the stupidest smart person I've seen.

Posted by: Chris on August 16, 2005 01:33 AM

Yeah -- WTF??!!! Methinks she's gonna try to write you up as part of a deviant abnormal psych study for her Mauhsters or some such BS. Why on earth else WOULD someone whose time is SOOOO valuable waste it over & over on such a 'foolish & silly blog'? You're gonna provide fodder for her Piled Higher & Deeper dissertation & you'd better bygod claim co-authorship rights when she publishes! Shit -- she's probably trying to get a NSF grant to study your ass -- "Provocation of a Hominid Sub-Species in the Appalachian Hinterland" or some such pseudo-intellectual tripe. Psych majors are all VEEERY scary people. Where DO you collect these trogs, Rob? Sheesh -- reading this is better entertainment than TV by a LONG shot! I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! Thanks!!

Posted by: Marianne on August 16, 2005 02:59 AM

Charles Dickens was a journalist. His books were published serially in British newspapers and accurately reflected conditions at the time.

That's why, though fiction, Beth probably mentioned them.

I think she's given you a good list. It's a shame you reject it out of hand.

Sort of shows you're not really serious. I think you just resent smart women. Or any woman for that matter.

Posted by: Mary Beth on August 16, 2005 04:44 AM

Cornelius Ryan did not right Midway. Don't know who did, but he only wrote 3 WWII books, all dealing with the European theater. The Longest Day, A Bridge To Far and The Last Battle. I found the Last Battle to be the best of the three.

Posted by: Dave on August 16, 2005 04:50 AM

DAMN! At 5 in the freaking morning you would still think I know the difference between right and write.

Posted by: Dave on August 16, 2005 04:52 AM

Not one mention of DC comics,, ASSHOLES!!!!

Posted by: James Old Guy on August 16, 2005 08:30 AM

I read history for one reason only--- I try to understand people.

My father read The Illiad and The Oddessy to me when I was very young. Those were my bedtime stories. I read them again when I grew older, and I understood them even better then.

That's nothing but human nature stripped to its core. Money, sex and power.

Call me a cynic if you want to, but I think I KNOW what motivates people. Try some Shakespeare and tell me I'm wrong.

I don't need a degree in psychology to figure than stuff out.

Posted by: Acidman on August 16, 2005 09:32 AM

Uh, Mary Beth, Beth isn't smart. That has been amply demonstrated the last few days.

As far as I'm concerned, the only smart women are those who recognize that big government is the enemy of freedom, not its friend.

Posted by: Brett on August 16, 2005 10:29 AM

I learned about the pre-Civil War tariff on raw materials, which specifically hurt the south, in public high school. I didn't know it was possible to not know it.

Posted by: GORDON on August 16, 2005 10:43 AM

Little late... but Guns Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond does a great job at putting things together. It's about the best history book I've ever read, certainly in the top 10.

Posted by: William on August 16, 2005 07:46 PM
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